I’m not uncertain.
I’m afraid, sure, but I’m not uncertain.
I’ve fallen in love with a pregnant woman before. I gave her my heart. I gave her my everything. And she betrayed me. She never loved me back, but worse, she lied to me and told me she did. She played the happily married wife and me for a fool. Am I setting myself up for the same type of heartache? For something possibly worse?
Maybe. I honestly might be.
But how will I know what can be if I never try?
And because I know my little swan so well, I’m outside her door bright and early so she can’t escape. I mean, let’s face it, it’s not like I was going back to sleep after last night. I was ready to charge after her the moment she left, but I stopped myself. Barely.
The thing is, I don’t care that she’s ten years younger than me. I don’t care that she’s my best friend’s little sister. I don’t care that I have a kid or that she’s pregnant with a baby that isn’t mine. I just don’t care. I want her. The things that appear as obstacles or drama don’t have to be. We can have it all. If she’s willing to.
I have to try. I have to. I’ll regret it always if I don’t.
I’m not sure anything in my life has ever felt truly right except for Zoey and Skylar. When I’m with them, I’m whole. I’m complete. I’m fucking happy. Even when Skylar is driving me crazy. But it seems I’m going to have my work cut out for me getting her to accept this.
The door to her room springs open, snapping me away from my gentle pacing. She jumps back when she sees me, and a frown tugs down on her lips. She’s fully dressed in a long cream sweater and leggings, and she’s holding a pair of boots.
“Nope. Not happening.” Before she can argue with me, I come over to her, take the boots from her hand, put them on the floor, and lift her by her hips to walk her back into her room. I kick the door shut behind me and drop her on the bed before I climb over her.
“What are you doing?!”
“What are you doing?” I throw back at her.
“I’m…”
“You’re running.”
“I’m not?—”
“Bullshit,” I charge, hovering above her. She’s so pretty like this with her hair sprawled all over the place and her big greeneyes wide and on me. “It’s six in the fucking morning, Skylar, after you were out till midnight and then fucked me till two. You’re running.”
She puffs out a breath and closes her eyes, defeat all over her. “Last night?—”
“I swear to God, if you tell me that last night was a mistake or it shouldn’t have happened, I’m going to put you over my knee and spank your ass red. What are you doing? Why are you running from me?”
“Because I can’t do this with you!” she cries, her eyes flashing, her features fierce with indignation. “I can’t repeat old habits and allow myself to get swallowed up by a man who will hurt me.”
“What about me? Dammit, Skylar.” I sigh, shifting my weight and climbing off her. She scoots out from under me and sits against the headboard, her knees up to her chest. A protective position if ever there was one. “Wanna talk about repeating old habits? I married a pregnant woman, and once again I’m chasing after her. I know you’re scared. I’m scared. There is nothing easy about us, sweetheart. But instead of pushing me away, pull me toward you. I…” I stop. I can’t tell her how I feel. I can’t tell her I love her. Not yet. I scrub my hands up my face in frustration before I meet her eyes with an intensity I can no longer hold back. “I don’t know exactly what this is or even what it could be, but I want to find out. I don’t want to run from it.”
Her glassy eyes search my face, but she doesn’t say anything, and I take that as my cue to keep going. I climb up onto my knees and inch toward her until I’m sitting in front of her, my hand on hers on top of her knees. “You’ve had it bad, and your trust in men, possibly even yourself, is shit. I get that. So hear me now, so you know.” I cup her jaw with my other hand. I will never hurt you. I will never degrade you. I will always care for and respect you. I will never treat you asanything less than the beautiful, smart, funny, feisty, pain-in-the-ass, incredible woman that you are.” My thumb drags along her cheek. “God, Skylar, you have so much power over me, and you don’t even see it. I’m yours. Everything I’ve said to you has been true and not simply in the heat of sex.” I hold up my hand. “Well, everything except that last stupid thing I said to you in the kitchen that night. But everything else is real.”
“What are you asking of me?”
I smile softly. “Be my girlfriend and my wife?”
“What about… I mean, I’m pregnant and?—”
“I’m a pediatric surgeon and a single dad. Babies don’t exactly scare me.” I pull her up onto my lap until she’s straddling me and we’re face-to-face. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. “Just try with me, Skylar. Try with me, and I’ll try with you, and we’ll take it as it comes. I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to have to keep fighting the way I want you. I want to kiss you, and I want that kiss to be real. I want it to mean something.”
Her eyes glitter with emotion. “I want that too.”
A lightness hits my chest, and I fall back onto the bed with a chuckle. “Really?”
She laughs and smacks my shoulder. “Yes, you dummy. Were you expecting me to say no?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m tired. I had this whole thing built up in my head, and it involved a lot of fighting and sweet-talking.”
