“I feel like I’m always trying to keep up with you,” she says quietly.
“What do you mean? You have everything so perfectly figured out.”
“Yeah on the outside maybe. I have no clue what I’m doing. I hate my job. We can’t find an apartment in our price range, and I have two maxed out credit cards.”
“The wedding was expensive,” I mutter around my champagne glass.
“I maxed them out before we even got engaged.”
“Good God.”
“Don’t tell mom,” she says quickly.
“I don’t have any interest in seeing that look of rage on her face, so your secret is safe with me.”
Kate shudders. “Oh god, I don’t want to see it either.”
“Maybe don’t max out your next credit card then”
“Jane.”
“Sorry.” I let her admission swirl in my mind for a moment, then say, “I just don’t get why you’d be keeping up with me. I’m still single and you’re getting married. In Positano. You’re mom’s favorite.”
“You’re my cool big sister. I wanted to be everywhere you were and do what you did.”
Seeing things from a new perspective is weird. Because as mad as I was at Kate last night, as frustrated as I’ve been with her this entire wedding-planning process, now all I see is that girl from the picture on my phone. I see that teenager who makes me laugh and who wants to be around me. I’m not sure when those feelings all shifted andour relationship became so complex, but it did.
And now I’m just regretting all that time that we played the roles we thought the other wanted instead of just talking it out and making it right.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you last night. And I’m sorry for whatever happened that made us drift and change. But I’m here now. And I’m going to be honest when you hurt my feelings so that we don’t bottle things up anymore.”
“Great, because I’m so sick of smiling and pretending like everything is great.”
“Me too.” I reach out a hand to take hers. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Lydia that I’m your favorite sister now.”
She hums a small laugh. “It’s not a competition, Jane.”
“To you maybe.” She laughs, and I think it might be the first time in months that I got to hear her laugh at all.
“I didn’t realize that you had all those pressures from mom. You could’ve just told me, you know.”
“You could’ve just told me you had a crush on Reid.” I just look at her, my lips pressed into a thin line, not sure what to say from here. She laughs, an authentic tinkling sound. “Don’t look so shocked.”
“You seemed so mad at me yesterday when we came home with the champagne.”
“Jane, I was mad at you because I had to hear it from Jessica. You’re my sister. Why wouldn’t you tell me you had a crush on him? I could’ve made Jason play wingman to get this ball rolling sooner!”
“You were telling me all summer that he doesn’t date and he’ll just break my heart.”
“Yeah, because I didn’t realize you had actual feelings for him. I thought you just thought he was hot.”
“Well, I did,” I mumble.
Shegrabs my hand again, but this time instead of tears, she’s smiling. And that pit that was in my stomach all morning, that fist of fear over disappointing her that’s been over my heart for years, it all loosens and I feel like I can breathe again.
“I’m happy for you. But don’t keep secrets like that from me again. Especially if Jessica knows. She trades secrets like currency.”
“Speaking of, can you tell Jessica to leave me alone? I’m getting really sick of her comments.”
