Of course. Take care of what you need to. Let us know if you need anything.
That was it. No questions. No concern. Just permission to be absent.
They don’t even care that I won’t be there.
I heard them leave twenty minutes later. No goodbye called up the stairs. No check-in. I pulled the blanket over my head andtried to make myself disappear. Around noon, I forced myself downstairs. I couldn’t stay in bed forever.
I made a nest on the couch with blankets and pillows. Put on a romantic comedy I’d seen a dozen times. Set out some fruit and crackers on the coffee table even though the thought of eating made my stomach turn.
The movie played, but I wasn’t watching it. Just staring at the screen while my brain replayed every moment of the past few days on an endless loop.
You leave this weekend. They haven’t said anything. You’ve never been enough.
I was shaking, freezing, and I couldn’t figure out why. I grabbed two more blankets and put them on top of me. The front door opened, and I jumped. Lex stood in the doorway, concern written across his face.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Can I come in?”
I nodded, pulling the blanket tighter around myself.
He sat on the coffee table in front of me, close but not touching. “Cami, what’s going on? And please don’t say ‘nothing.’ I know something’s wrong.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You’re shaking. You haven’t eaten.” He gestured to the untouched fruit. “Talk to me.”
“It’s nothing. Really. I’m just tired.”
“Cami.” His voice was gentle but firm. “Please. Let me help.”
Something in me cracked just a little. “You can’t help.”
“Why not?”
“Because this is how it is. This is what happens.” The words were coming faster now, my control slipping. “People realize I’m not what they need and they leave. It’s fine. I’m used to it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that I leave in two days and you haven’t said anything! Neither of you have said anything aboutwhat happens after I go. About if there even is an after. And I keep waiting for you to tell me that this was just the workshop, that I was just convenient, that?—”
“Cami, stop.”
“No! I can’t stop because if I stop thinking about it, if I let myself believe this is real, then it’s going to hurt so much worse when you tell me the truth. When you realize what Iris realized, what my ex realized—that I’m not enough!”
A tear escaped, hot and traitorous, sliding down my cheek. I jumped up from the couch and ran up the stairs, into my room, slamming the door behind me.
I grabbed my phone and curled up on the bed, pulling up a mindless video, anything to drown out the thoughts. I really wanted to go home. I heard Lex on the phone downstairs, his voice urgent. He was probably on a work call. I rolled my eyes and went back to my video.
Thirty minutes later, the front door opened again. Two sets of footsteps on the stairs. A soft knock.
“Cami?” Majesty’s voice. “Can we come in?”
I didn’t answer, but the door opened anyway. They both entered. Majesty sat on the edge of the bed while Lex pulled over the desk chair.
“What are you watching?” Majesty asked gently.
“Nothing important.” I locked my phone screen.
“Cami, we need to talk about what’s happening,” Lex said. “About what you’re feeling.”
