“Well, no, but?—”
“Then take him at his word. Not all Dominants want the same thing, even though society would tell you otherwise. IfKip says he only wants you, then work on believing him.” She smiled at me once more. “You’re more than enough to hold one man’s attention.”
“Do you really think so?” I’d never felt like I was enough for Kip.
“Iknowso. Kip wouldn’t lie to you.” She locked gazes with me. “And I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of that.”
I was, but after everything I’d dealt with growing up, I didn’t always find it easy to believe.
That conversation was the start of unlocking the feelings I’d held in my heart for years. I worked on the shame I felt because I couldn’t give Kip what I’d been told all Dominants deserved. I also worked hard to accept he was being honest with me about not wanting to have multiple people in our family.
We had joint sessions too, and they were all about building trust between me and Kip.
My favorite exercise was when we’d face each other, put our foreheads together, and breathe together twenty times. At first it was funny, because either he or I would mess up on purpose for fun. Then Dr. Briggs reminded us, with no sign of anger or annoyance, that what we were doing was important.
“You’re doing this to make things work better for you as a couple.”
We’d settled then, and tried to make it work. After a while, we’d easily pass the twenty times mark and instead discovered the joy in working as one.
The hardest exercise, for me at least, was talking for five minutes about anything while Kip stayed quiet. It sucked, because all I wanted was for him to give me feedback.
One conversation stuck in my mind.
“Onlyyoucan decide the type of submissive you want to be, Mason.”
When I gave her an inquiring glance, she continued. “People change throughout their lives. What works for younowmightnot work in a year’s time, or five years, or ten. By then both you and Kip will be different people. You might have a family?—”
Okay,thatconcept sent butterflies rampaging through my stomach.
“Or you might be doing different jobs which will require you to adjust your lives.”
That made sense.
What it boiled down to was that I needed to stop stressing. Well, as much as I was able to. Dr. Briggs told me to focus on one thing I could control, and let everything happen in its own time.
I chose to focus on my love for Kip, to trust in his guidance, to believe in his love. We both agreed working with Dr. Briggs had helped, although neither of us talked about what happened in our own private consults.
And I couldn’t argue with the results. I was able to breathe easier. I made short trips into the backyard, letting the intoxicating scents of the garden wash over me. On occasion I would get a twinge of fear and retreat to the house, but I’d call Mom who would remind me I was safe, and after that I’d usually feel better.
It was about that time that I made a decision.
I waited for the right moment, except there was never going to be a perfect time. I just needed to say what was on my mind.
“I think you should go back to work.” Before Kip could say a word, I plowed ahead. “With Mom constantly checking in with me, you don’t need to be here too. And we do need the money, remember?”
He’d stared at me in silence, and my heart sank. Then he smiled.
“Okay.”
I stared at him with wide eyes. “I didn’t think it would bethateasy.”
“Of course, I have conditions.”
Of course he did.
“If you ever feel like you’re in danger or even if you just get scared, you call either me or Mom. Immediately.”
Of course, I’d agreed wholeheartedly, but looking back?
