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TAE
“What’s wrong with me?”
I loved painting, tapping into my creative side and getting lost inside it. There were times I’d be in total and complete Zen, only snapping out of it at the end of the day as my mind and body slowed down. The hours just fly by when my muse takes over. It’s like being in a dream state while working and I always surprised myself with how good the murals turned out. Earbuds in, my mind cleared and the creative juices flowed. The worries drifted away as soon as the brush laid its first stroke.
But today wasn’t one of those days.
I needed Daddy time. Stat!
He-he, I had always wanted to say that.
“Thought I’d find you in here,” Daddy said as he walked into the playroom. I swear he could read my mind and somehow always knew when life required my Daddy fix. “Still having trouble figuring out a theme?”
“Yeah.” I’d lost track of how much time I had spent sitting in the center of the empty room, envisioning my ideal play space. While I knew where the shelves and toys would go, the walls remained…blank, as did my mind. “Why is it so easy to do everyone else’s rooms but my own?”
“Well, because they tell you what they like, so you just go in and do your thing. Ever consider decorating your space in more than one theme?” Hmm, that was an idea I hadn’t considered, though that only further added to my lack of vision.
Ugh…
Daddy was kind and patient with me, never complained about my toy containers in the family room. Probably because I always picked up after myself, but I knew it was important to him for me to have my own space just as much as it was for me. I only wished I knew what I wanted to stare at for hours on end while my little side ran wild.
Lacking the therapeutic freedom that I felt while working emotionally drained me. Daddy was right though, which didn’t surprise me. It was much easier for the vision to come alive when you were told what they wanted you to draw from ahead of time. For myself, I had zero ideas.
Zip. Zilch. Nada.
With a heavy sigh, I gave up. At least for today. “Daddy, why are the paints being mean to me? I thought they were my friends.”
“Sweet boy,” Daddy crouched beside me and rubbed my curly curls, my little side loved when he did that, drawing it further out. “They’re not being mean to you, my love, you’re probably just overthinking it. When the right idea comes to you, you’ll know. Trust in your gifts, Tae.”
“I ‘spose.” My brain usually worked that way, but I was just so dang frustrated it got all huffy with me and wasn’t playing nice. Daddy and I were always busy with work and when we finally got a day off, like today, I wanted to play and nap and have fun in my very own playroom and forget about everything else. Curled up with my stuffies in a nest of pillows and blankies was a dream of mine, and one that sadly continued to wait to become a reality.
“Come on, sweet boy, lunch then naptime.”
Pfft, some artist I was. It would seriously suck if I never got my room done.
Daddy’s outstretched hand waited to help me up and tug me right into a big hug. His arms were my safe space and always calmed my nerves and just made everything better. What was even more perfect was when he held me tight while I curled up and nursed from him. The repetitive sucking motion settled me down and filled my tummy and I drifted right off. Both Daddy and I got relief from it, just in very different ways.
“Okay, Daddy. When is our next job?” I asked as I followed him into the kitchen. Daddy kept track of all that kind of stuff. I could only play grown-up for so long and the more Daddy took care of, the better off we both were. He even made my website and added my business to his cards. One side for Daddy, one side for Tae.
I’d since added side projects for engraving leather and building playsets like I did for my friend Trevor. That was fun, making him a farm and all the animals that went with it out of wood. Well, daddy made the wood stuff, I just painted it. When Trevor was done playing it all folded up into the barn and fit on his shelf.
“Well,” he slid a plate with a ham sammy and chips in front of me. “We’ve got a potential job to bid on this week. They want a couple of rooms in their house reconfigured and painted.”
“From the club?” Most of our jobs came from the club we belonged to.
“Yes. Why the heavy sigh, sweetheart?”
“I dunno,” I shrugged. “Was kinda hoping for a break after finishing Trevor’s room.” Not that I didn’t enjoy doing his room, because I did. The cute bumble bees and all the fun things I got to paint were so different from what the other littles usually wanted and the pale blue background we painted the walls first made the whole scene appear as though the sky had come inside. Trevor’s room was like bringing the outside in and he was so excited when he saw it and the cute lady bugs I added to the pretty sunflowers made me smile.
My friend Brandon and I have had lots of playdates at Trevor’s house. Trevor has a backyard jungle gym that’s better than the one at the park and we didn’t have to share it with a bunch of strangers either. Daddy built it for him while I worked on painting the murals in his playroom. But I wanted my friends to come to our house and share my toys and playroom with them.
Ugh, I was messing all of this up. Poor Daddy looked so confused.
“We have been rather busy, maybe a vacation is in order before we take on another job. Let Daddy check this one out and see if they can wait, then Daddy promises to whisk you away. Hopefully to somewhere with no cell phone service.” I giggled. Daddy cursed at his phone sometimes and it was funny. “There’s that smile I fell in love with. Come on, clean up then nap time.”
“With Daddy milky?”
