"Complicated," I tell him. I'm not certain I want to discuss my relationship with Rosie. It feels private, and I do not want to shame her. But I would also love to get another male's perspective.
"Inter-species relationships are always a little bit complicated." Kan-RI says sagely. He is in a long-term pleasure partnership with one of the gardeners in the village so he has an idea of it, I suppose. But I do not think it's quite the same.
At least his partner is stuck here. There isn't a clock ticking down the time until he's given a chance to leave. He doesn't have to be concerned he will be left behind again.
"She is only fulfilling the terms of our agreement." I say, trying not to taste the bitter words on my tongue. I'd wanted someone who did not wish to have a romantic relationship, someone who would be fine on their own. I'm the one unable to uphold our agreement.
"How do you mean?" Kan-RI asks, tilting his head as he looks up at me. "Oh, Rexus, what did you do?"
I'm silent as we continue our patrol, uncertain I want to tell him how stupid I'd been. How had I thought I would be able to feel absolutely nothing for someone who could take my rut so well? Then again, I hadn't known she would be so soft. So lovely. So perfect in my grip.
"This is about Seela, isn't it?" Kan-RI asks as we near the gatehouse. I want todeny it, but it would be a lie. "It's okay to miss her, friend."
Of course I missed Seela. We had been fuck friends for many years. Her heat had perfectly matched my rut and we'd been able to give each other what we needed. She'd been a fierce female and my partner for many years. We'd come to Planet WLN269 together, worked together, fucked together. But we were not in love. For us, it was never anything but friendship and physical release.
But I'd lost a part of myself when the worlds went silent and she did not return from a trip back home. It was a relationship I did not know how to replace. One I wasn't sure would be possible to have again. I did not know if I was able to open myself up again, knowing that people can so easily be torn away.
I think about lying. I think about telling him she has nothing to do with it. But we'd all lost people when the worlds went silent. We'd all known that pain.
"She could leave me." I tell him. We stop outside of the gatehouse, just out of earshot of the guards inside. "It's only a matter of weeks until she is given the choiceto go home. I do not know why she would stay."
I don't tell him how I hurt her. I do not tell him about my rut or my fear of touching her for causing her pain. My shame is too large and I do not want to discuss Rosie that way.
"What if she doesn't leave? What if you give her a reason to stay?" He pats me on my arm and takes off for the gatehouse, leaving me standing in the yard with my mind buzzing and my heart racing.
A thought I haven't allowed myself to consider since the moment I came out of my rut turns over and over.
What if she stays?
Chapter 20
Rosie
Iread the message on my communicator for the second time and lean back against the back of the couch as the meaning settles around me. I have options. And that's almost as terrifying as not having any.
According to the H.E.L.P. agent, I could stay on WLN269 without having to stay with Rexus. I could keep my apartment and be matched with someone new. They did say they couldn't promise I'd stay in Village 22 but I didn't think I'd want to stay here anyway.
I'd still get the full payment at the end of the three months, which would take care of all of my debt on Earth plus leave some money leftover for emergencies. Or I could go home, get a third of the settlementmoney, which would give me a small bit of breathing room before I had to find a job. But I'd be back to sleeping in Betty and Craig's spare bedroom.
No matter what, I don't think staying with Rexus is an option. No matter how much I wish it could be.
And oh, I wish I could stay with him. He can be so sweet when he tries and he's hands down the best fuck I've ever had. But I don't think we'll ever be more than horny acquaintances and I just don't think that will be enough for me.
Not when I could accidentally find myself falling in love with him. Not when he's made it clear he isn't interested in emotional entanglements. Not when I might be halfway there already.
I toss my communicator to the side only to pick it up a moment later. I need a distraction and my novel is just the thing. Am I projecting in my book about a human falling in love with an alien? Maybe. But what is writing if not author trauma dumping on the page?
Ever since I gave myself permission to start over, the words have been flowing. I've gotten into a routineover the last week that's comfortable. It's one I could enjoy, if I didn't know it wouldn't last.
Pickles curls up beside me and nudges her nose and front paws under my leg. I give her head a couple of scratches before I dive into the story. I have a few hours yet before Rexus will be here with dinner and I need to get my head on straight before he arrives.
I lose myself in the story. In the battle of fighting alien factions, in the human trapped in space, in the romance building between her and one of the faction leaders. I let myself imagine what it would be like to be so wanted that someone would burn worlds down to keep you safe.
I'm in the middle of a particularly hot sex scene when there's a knock on the door. It slides open without me answering and Rexus walks in carrying a covered tray. I lost track of time.
Rexus' smile drops as he looks me over. "What are you up to?"
I blush and put the communicator aside. I'm sure I'm flushed and I can feel the dampness between my thighs as I shift on the couch. I'd gotten really into the story. Who could blame me? I'm a woman with a high sex drive who hasn't been fucked in aweek while having dinner with an insanely hot male almost every night. Of course some good smut would get me worked up.
