“It is, when you’re twenty-nine and the internet keeps trying to marry you off to random strangers,” Mason says.
Dex nods solemnly. “Last week I saw a thread titled ‘Colby Hayes Looks Like He’d Ruin Your Life and Apologize Politely.’”
I roll my eyes. “Exactly my point. Everyone thinks they know you. They don’t. And I don’t feel like explaining myself over dinner.”
Dex skates closer. “Ah. So the issue isn’t dating. It’s vulnerability.”
“Keep talking and you’ll be vulnerable to a high stick,” I say.
He grins. “See? Romance.”
Gabriel laughs. “You just want something real.”
I open my mouth, then close it. Because that’s the problem, isn’t it?
Real things don’t need an audience. They don’t need commentary or hashtags or people projecting their fantasies onto you. Real things are quiet. They happen off-camera.
And yet here I am, agreeing to step on a stage and let strangers bid on a date like I’m a charity auction item.
Dex skates ahead, calling over his shoulder, “Don’t worry, Captain. Worst case scenario, you get a funny story. Best case, you accidentally fall in love.”
I scoff. “That’s not how accidents work.”
Mason snorts. “You’re assuming you’d even get chosen.”
I twist to look at him. “Excuse me?”
He shrugs, completely unapologetic. “I’m just saying. You’re acting like this is a guaranteed win. Some of us are objectively more… desirable.”
Dex gasps, clutching his chest. “Oh, Ilovewhen Mason talks himself up. That’s confidence with absolutely no game.”
Mason levels a look at him. “I’m tall, good-looking and I don’t embarrass women in public.”
“That last one is debatable,” I say. “I’ve seen you try to order wine.”
Gregory nods thoughtfully. “Statistically speaking, women respond well to stability and reliability. Which would suggest Mason has a strong probability of coming in third.”
Dex squints at him. “Are you campaigning for yourself?”
“Yes,” Gregory says.
Mason rolls his shoulders. “Look, I’m not saying Iwantto do this. I’m saying if the woman has taste, she might pick me.”
Dex bursts out laughing. “Buddy, if she picks you, it’s because she thinks you’re a safe exit strategy.”
“That’s not a bad thing,” Gabriel says mildly. “Some people like safe.”
“Exactly,” Mason says. “Low drama. Minimal chaos. No flashcards.” He glances at me.
I groan. “I will never live that down.”
Gregory clears his throat. “For the record, I believe she may selectme.”
All of us stop.
Dex blinks. “You?”
Gregory nods, earnest as ever. “I’m charming in a quiet way. I follow rules. I listen. I ask follow-up questions.”
