But I ignore him and continue staring down at my wife. Her plush lips are pale. Her chest is so terribly still. I kiss her again.
“Skylenna? I made you breakfast.”
A familiar pain and sense of denial bloom inside my throat like a bruise that will never fade. I fold my warm hand around hers and lose my breath at its temperature.
“Kane? I can take over now,” Dessin tells me quietly.
I shake my head.
Hope exhales its last as I kiss her knuckles.
“Honey, you’re going to sleep the day away.”
The other alters gather in a crowd of morbid individuals watching me try to wake my wife. They watch and pray, and their broken hearts suffocate me.
Wetness pools along my lashes before I can control myself.
“Please, wake up.Please,” I rasp.
My vision tightens at how still she is.
We were supposed to watch the snow fall today. We were going to drink hot chocolate and read our new books.
“Please, Kane, check her pulse.” Dessin’s deep voice sounds weaker and feebler than I have ever heard it.
I nod once. Sniffling before I press two fingers to her throat. The nothingness that comes from that touch snaps my last string of hope, popping loudly in my ears.
A pressure, hot and volcanic, hits me behind my eyes. I clasp her cold hands in mine and bring them to my lips, kissing each knuckle, each fingernail one last time. Harrowing heartache punches upward, and I begin to shake violently against the bed.
“Skylittle, you were supposed to tell me how much you love me this morning. Remember?” I am a little boy again, buckling under the weight of my cry, though, it is that of an old man now, hearty and full of a lifetime of longing for the woman I love so dear.
My face crumples as I fall against her.
With my head bowed, uncontrollable jerks rack my body.
“Thank you,” I sob quietly against my wife. “Thank you for being my sweetheart. For being the only woman I have ever loved.”
“Don’t do this alone,” Dessin says as he cannot contain his cry either. “I’ll take over so you don’t have to see this.”
“NO!” I bellow, eyes squeezing shut so hard, I see stars in the darkness behind my lids. “It’s Skylenna! Look at her! I won’t leave my Skylittle.”
Snot and tears cover the back of my hand as I try to pull myself together enough to say what I need to say.
“Thank you for loving all of us. Thank you for never making me feel ashamed for having dissociative identity disorder. Thank you for making me a hero when I thought we’d only ever be a villain.”
My soulmate looks just as beautiful today as she did the first day I met her when we were children. I choose to see that calm expression as sleeping.
“Thank you for loving me so passionately, Skylittle. I thought—I thought I was unlovable for so long. You were my greatest treasure. My most precious love. You gave me beautiful babies. You gave me lifelong best friends. My heart is so full, and I owe it all to you, honey.”
I spend a couple of hours right here, kneeling at the bedside of my sweetheart. I tell her I’ll take care of her castle until she greets me again in heaven. I promise to tell her children and grandchildren how much she loves them.
I ask her to hug DaiSzek for me.
I dissociate heavily but remain present.
I say my goodbyes.
Eventually, I stand up to walk around from my blood circulation being cut off from my knees. Dessin stays close to the front as I throw away the breakfast I made for her. As I dig her grave next to DaiSzek’s.
