“They were even better. I feel cleansed and well nourished,” I say in a level, controlled voice.
Meridei is quiet for a little too long, though I don’t dare turn around to see if she’s left or not. I know better.
“You sure you aren’t craving cake? Perhaps a bite of chocolate? I could sneak some in for you, if you’d like?” Meridei slips into a friendly mask with a hushed volume to her questions. If I didn’t know who she really is, I might have fallen for her olive branch.
“Oh, no thank you. I am dedicated to the carefully planned regimen you have planned for me.”
“How…womanly of you to fully immerse yourself in this experience, Miss Valdawell.”
I can feel her eyes bore into me.
“When will I get to see my husband again?” I change the subject, hoping she’ll stop baiting, stop attempting to catch me slipping up.
“Tomorrow. At your first dual treatment.” She pauses, sighs like she has something to get off her chest. “I am so sorry, Miss Valdawell, I know he asked me not to tell you about what happened earlier…”
I perk up but still refuse to face her. “What happened?”
“I would just hate for this to affect your rehabilitation. Especially with howcommittedyou are.”
“What is it?”
Meridei sighs again as if she might cry. “Part of your husband’s affliction is caused by how pent up he is…sexually.”
I blink at the stone wall, then turn to look her in the eye. “Huh?”
“I know it’s a sin, but it’s my duty as a conformist to help him recover and relieve him of these obstacles.”
Is she still talking about Niklaus?
“I performed oral sex on him, Miss Valdawell. I am so deeply sorry. I offered to take that burden off him, since you’ve been failing your marital duties and participating in overconsumption of sweets and pastries. He was so desperate for my mouth to swallow his semen. I had to uphold my vow to help those who can’t help themselves as a senior conformist of this asylum.”
Meridei stands to move a loose strand of hair away from my left eye.
“Between us girls, his cum tasteswonderful.” She uses her thumb to wipe her bottom lip, then sucks it clean. “Maybe if you spent less time stuffing your trap with sugar, you’d remember how delectable his cock tastes.”
It’s not hard to keep my face emotionless because I don’t care what he does. He isn’t really my husband. I have no romantic attachment to him. But I’m trying to understand why my chest pulls taught, like someone is pulling a string and tightening the fabric that keeps me together. My skin prickles as I examine her mouth, her lips curling into an innocent smile.
The thought of her mouth on him…
My stomach knots. A stack of coals smolders and smokes under my ribs.
Am I angry that she thinks this would hurt me, and she’s clearly hoping for a big reaction? Am I burning on the inside out of disgust? I don’t want to know what kind of explicit activities Niklaus takes part in! I don’t want to think about his hands woven into her hair as she…
“H—he asked you to do this?” I stammer then clear my throat.
The image of him on a patient bed while she pleases him…that image refuses to loosen its grip on me.
“Yes,” she says, watching my reaction closely.
You think I care?! How do I keep from laughing in your smug little face? I don’t give a shit about Niklaus. You can have him!
But that resounding ache blooms in my gut as my thoughts refuse to go quiet.
“Thank you for doing what you need to do to help him,” I respond submissively, bowing my head in gratitude.
No, I will not give you the satisfaction of a reaction. I’m sure that’s what you’re used to getting. And what happens after that, Meridei? You probably punish your patients with gruesome treatments for lashing out.
Meridei’s perfectly serene face flinches at my lack of a desired response. A quick twitch in her cheek and the fake look of remorse and feigned innocence is gone.
