As I complete my sentence, we begin walking again, and the trees open up wide, engulfing the dark-blue sky. Titanic red oak trees are scattered throughout the opening, mountainous in size, and in the center flows a massive light-blue lagoon. Instantly, my mind is on a roller coaster, with clipped, choppy memories. My father and I lie under the biggest red oak in the opening, right on the edge of the cliff where the drop-off to the lagoon is, eating apples and sharing tales of what used to go on here in our little secret place away from the whole world.
My heart swells and aches at the sudden combustion of memories awakening me to another life that I’ve tried to forget. I take in the scenery as a whole, and it overwhelms me, like stepping into a cold bath, jolting my body awake. The lagoon is several feet below the trees surrounding a cliff being fed by a waterfall.
And stepping into this old world I once knew, I breathe in the nostalgic scent of lavender and pine trees—and it’s that momentary paralyzation where all I can do is close my eyes and let the aroma flood my body, taking me back in time.
My eyes flash over to Dessin, who is watching me closely, with a trenchant stare. He nods over to the tree hovering over the lagoon. I wasn’t allowed to climb it when I was younger. My father would always say I would fall off the cliff and drown.
“How did you know about this place?” I ask with calm caution.
He looks over at me and then back at the horizon of red and blue. “Why? Does this place mean something to you?” he asks as we move to the tree to sit, our legs dangling over the edge of the cliff. I pick up a leaf, red as blood. I stroke it between my fingers.
“You know it does. But how—howcould you know?”
“Why is this upsetting you so much?” he prompts, eyes drinking in my reaction like I’m his favorite form of entertainment.
“You know why it’s upsetting me. I don’t know how you could possibly know, but you do. I was alone the last time I was here.Alone.” My hands turn into fists. Tight balls of stone and fury.
Dessin meets my eyes, and I suddenly feel so small, so insignificant in the eyes of someone so brilliant. And then his brow creases, the muscles in his jaw tighten up as if he is biting back words. Words that might tell meeverything.
“Why were you here alone?” He’s baiting me. Stringing what he knows along like I’m his pet.
Her ashes. You must know.
“Don’t you dare make me say it,” I growl, grinding my teeth until my gums bleed.
He tilts his head, waiting, watching, preparing for the explosion.
“Because this is where Iburiedher—where I tossed herashes—or what I told myself was her ashes because I couldn’t identify thebody!” The angry words pour out of me like a mist of acid, along with a thick sheen of tears collecting over my eyes.
His expression, dark, like the moon has abandoned him.
“It’s the perfect place for her to rest,” he says as if he knew her.
We turn to the horizon, searching, as if Scarlett dances on the water, floating in peace as she waves to us.
“This place isn’t just special to you… It means something to the other man in my head as well.” He breathes out, reluctant and frustrated. I am coming to realize that he is not fond of losing control, of appearing vulnerable.
“You?” I utter. “You’ve been here before?” Sometimes I forget that he’s had a life before all of this… He must have. He was, at some point, simply a boy.
He nods once. “You always have so many questions.”
“And I know you have the answers. Why is this so hard for you?” I let my hands drop, but he catches them before they hit my lap. He squeezes them gently—both of my wrists in the palm of one hand—and focuses so hard on my eyes that my head spins.
“Have you ever taken a leap of faith, Skylenna?”
For some reason, this question makes me emotional. That feeling like you’re slipping away, maybe into tears, or maybe into a panic. I can’t tell. But a notion in his words triggers it.
“I need you to do that now. Things are going on around you that you are blind to, and I need that not to change. I do have the answers… You have no idea how big this really is. Despite your exhaustion and your frustration with me, I need you to trust me… When the time is right, I promise you will know and understandeverything.” He squeezes my hands harder. “And I promise you… That will be the worst day of your life.”
I watch him, wide eyed, my mind filling up with more questions.
“I can’t tell you much… But I can tell you something that I know you must already suspect. This place was a part of the life he had before he became this… Before I became a monster.”
He loosens his grip on my hands, so I tighten mine to keep his grasp. I look down at the rushing water sparkling below my bare feet. A sliver of desire to jump in runs through me.
“Ignorance is bliss, my sweet girl,” he finally adds. I tense up at his term of endearment and melt in a puddle, complete with his warmth and whole with this feeling I can’t describe.
“I never thought I’d come back,” I say.
