“Not you,” he argues. “Not genuinely, at least. You force it or don’t have the urge to let it out at all.” I think about this. He’s right. My world has clipped my urge to laugh, darkening my thoughts, dimming that airy tickle that rises like a gentle summer breeze in the back of my throat. Laughing is hard when you’re always fighting the urge to keep from crying.
I look back up at him to find that he’s watching me, dark eyes searing into my soul. My heart takes a tumble in my chest.
“What was wrong with you earlier?”I change the subject.
He bites his bottom lip curiously. “Has Aurick ever heard you laugh?”
I’m not sure. He may have caught a brief chuckle. But a full-on, belly-deep laugh is hard to come by.
“That’s irrelevant,” I answer.
“It will be when you start to see what I see.”
“Please answer my question,” I beg. What was his breakdown about? What was the trigger?
“How about we make a little deal?” he suggests, waving his hand in the air.
“Depends on the deal.”
Dessin moves closer. “Stay here with me. Just for tonight.”
“Why…?” I ask, leaning back, hesitant to fall into another game, even though it intrigues me, sending every nerve surging through my brain with excitement.He grabs my arms to pull me closer.
“Skylenna, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important. Please—don’t leave.” I start to shake my head.“At least not until you’re sure Aurick went to bed.”
“I can’t. I’m already in the doghouse from the last two times you had me stay outpastdark.”
“He’s getting stricter now?” His eyes narrow, and he has to take a moment to process.
“Yes.” I don’t want to share how Masten was in my bedroom before I left this morning. I still don’t understand his motives.
“Look at me.” He tilts my chin up so that I can see the urgency in his eyes.“Do you trust me?” I don’t have to think about this. I nod with confidence.
“Then here’s the deal. You stay with me tonight without contacting Aurick. And I’ll tell you something you’ve been dying to know.”One by one, every muscle that holds me up hardens to iron.
“If I stay with you, you’ll tell me a part of your story that made you who you are today?” I can’t even breathe correctly. I’m stunned, in total disbelief. Whatever happened to him all of those years ago to make him the way he is today, I will know before anyone.
He nods. It’s not something I have to consider. I will face Aurick when this is over and accept the consequences. At the very least, I’ll stand up to him, knowing this was all worth it.
I want to know what’s in Dessin’s soul more than anything. I want to know the previous host. I want to know his name. I want to know the life he had before this Dessin facade came to be.
“If you tell me a piece of your story, I will tell you a piece of mine.”
I freeze up. “I’ve already told you everything there is to know.”
He shakes his head. “I want you to tell me what you’ve told no one before.” He narrows his focus. “I want you to tell me what happened to you. I want you to tell me about your father. I know there is a far more despairing story for you to share with me. I won’t ask that of you just yet. But I will ask about your father.”
I suck in a weak breath. “Dessin, I don’t…”
He takes my hand in his. “I’ll only tell if you will.” We stare each other down, waiting for the other to yield or merely confirming that neither of us will. I blink first and look away.
“Okay.” An unsteady rush of air fills my chest as quickly as it rushes out. I’ve stored these memories in a prison—they’ve been locked up, restrained from moving, frozen in time and space so they can do little to no damage from where they sit. I meant to keep them there the rest of my life.
43. Man Inside the Beast
“I’m all ears,” he sayssoftly.
And with those three words balanced in the air, I release a few demons with a single breath. I tell Dessin about the day my father came home with blood trickling down his brow. About how something had changed. That the caring sparkle in his eyes had been replaced by a fog, thick and cloudy, cast over his pale-green eyes. I explained how my six-year-old body was kicked down the stairs, tumbling from step to step until I met the floor of the basement, hearing the snap muffled by blood and skin as my arm broke my fall. And the three long dark days I spent in that cold, dusty space will live forever in my mind. Flashes of that drip from a leaky pipe in the corner or how the cobblestone felt under my small hand.
