“So simple, in fact, his brain, in the heat of the moment, evolved, rearranged itself. As he looked into Sophia’s eyes, she became at peace, smiling softly. It wasn’t a choice for her. She wasn’t afraid or angry. She looked at him with love and asked him to swing the sickle into her. ‘It’s okay, sweet boy.’ she said. ‘You and Arthur are going to make it without me. I’ll always be with you.’ When he looked at Arthur, his little brother was shaking violently. Tears poured from his eyes, and he wouldn’t let go of that pathetic little rabbit, the same one that he had tossed high in the branches of the backyard tree, taunting little Arthur for fun, the same rabbit that had been dragged through the mud when Arthur would chase his big brother in the rain begging him to let him play too. It all flashed before his eyes, and it was more than this boy could take all on his own.”
He closes his mouth and rubs his fingers across the lining of his jaw. And with this subtle break of concentration, I know he’s about to crush me with the truth.
“In that moment, I came into existence. I was and am stronger. I am dominant. I see clearly without the clouded emotions. Born into this child’s body, I knew I couldn’t take on the six men that had held my family captive. The only logical action was to choose, so he wouldn’t have to. And so I did. I told little Arthur to shut his eyes as I swung the sickle into Sophia’s chest.
“It took what felt like hours for her to die. If I knew then what I know now, I would have aimed for her head. And so, naturally, doing what evil men do, they went back on their word. They yanked the sickle from my hands and plunged it into his baby brother. The tip of the blade tore through his rabbit, saturated heavily with blood. And… Arthur looked up at me through tearing brown eyes under his oversized glasses. He wore overalls that day, had a side part in his brown hair, and heneverlet go of that rabbit.
“In the end, I saw his eyes as he cried for their mother. In his eyes, he was the only one who knew I wasn’t his brother anymore. A monster had been born. A monster that killed his mother and, in the end, couldn’t protect him. Deep in the back of my mind, I felt the boy howl. I felt him writhe in a pool of suffering he hasn’t been able to swim out of yet.”
It was worse than I could have imagined. I’ve given into the shuddering of my shoulders, the hiccups, and the fire that burns under my cheeks. His story is like a wind that fanned the hot coals deep in my belly. In all of my theories and thoughts and imaginings of what could have happened to him… This wasn’t even a possibility. Dessin came into existence to protect him. He was forced to do something that no child should have to experience. He had to be brave and fearless. In that moment, Dessin was born.
“I—I…”
“You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t me that happened to. It washim,” he corrects me dismissively.
But it doesn’t matter. It happened. Regardless of who I’m speaking to, that unspeakable tragedy and pain is stuck inside his body, rotting like a sick animal in the woods that the other beasts wouldn’t finish off. I can reach out and touch the hateful energy it sends off into the air around him.
“I can’t believe that happened.” The tears don’t stop. “I could kill them—” I roll off of the tree trunk we’ve been sitting on and climb into his lap, pulling myself against him with my arms tight around his neck. But he doesn’t react by embracing me back, only tensing his entire body, every muscle, every joint hardened. “Please, hold me back,” I whisper. “I need to know after everything, you’ll never let me go.”
His breath releases from his firm chest, labored, like the result from hiking up a steep hill, and his warmth spreads from the muscular perimeter he surrounds me with. At first, it touches my cold skin, tinglingpastthe first layer, then, stronger than the fire in front of us, it unfurls through my lungs and into my heart, like being hugged by the sun itself.
Infinite.
“I assume you got your revenge,” I breathe into his neck.
“Justice. I gave him justice. The men took me to Demechnef, where, as you know, I was trained for years. When I was eighteen, I ended those six lives in ways I wouldn’t dare say in front of a lady.” He takes my face in one hand to get a good look at me and winks. “Including his father. The man that sold his family out for this… Experiment.”
“Wait… Experiment?” A low growl comes from the trees above us. Dessin’s head snaps up to search for it. I follow his gaze as he locks his eyes on something in the shadows.
“We should go.” He rises to kick sand over the fire. Lifts my damp dress to put it back on me.
“Why?” I search his expression, trying to understand his urgency.
“There’s someone close.”
54. The RottWeilen
I follow him up the pathwhere the red oaks begin again. He grips my hand and keeps me close behind him.
“Dessin, what’s happening—”
He stops in his tracks as the beast I haven’t thought about in some time stands before him. The RottWeilen that saved me in the winter forest. I remember the reddish-brown eyes that glowed in the white snow.
“Keep walking,” he instructs. But I’m not listening to him anymore. I walk around him, crouching at eye level with the mass of black and red fur. The animal watches me cautiously. But there’s a pull as if I’m connected to a fishhook, an alignment in my chest. A surge of déjà vu again.
“Skylenna…” Dessin warns.
“It’s okay,” I say. “He won’t hurt me.” In a cosmic daze, unmindful of consequence and acting on pure instinct—I reach my hand out, slowly, inching closer to the beast’s head, staring into his fiery eyes. I hold my breath, and the animal pushes his face against my hand, rubbing the top of his snout against me.
I let out a laugh in relief, looking up at Dessin like a child.
“Are you seeing this?!” I rub my hands over the back of his neck and scratch. He bows his head while he leans into my chest. My shoulders shake with more surprised laughter as I choke on gasps and am covered head to toe with chills.
“DaiSzek, where are they coming from?” Dessin barks.
The great wolf growls and throws his head in the direction of the north.
“Let’s go,” he commands.
