His eyes darken, something dangerous flickering in their aquamarine depths. Wordlessly, he tugs me back into his lap, his arms locking around my waist with the kind of strength that makes it clear he isn’t letting go.
“I need you close,” Nathaniel warns, his breath hot against my temple. “Do not deny me.”
I push at his chest, my voice catching in my throat. “I didn’t tell you I was meeting Landon because I knew you’d act like this… I knew you’d try to stop it. And today just proved me right.”
“No,” he says resolutely. “We should share everything. There will be no distance between us. And I hate that fool for making you feel like you need to keep things from me.”
“It’s not about Landon!” I cry. “The problem is me and you!”
“Why do you need him?” he snaps. “You haveme.”
“It’s not like that!” I argue, exasperated. “Landon was my friend. He’s been good to me. That friendshipmeans something, and even if we can’t be what we were, I want to fix it. I didn’t want to hurt him, and today I did.”
Nathaniel’s expression freezes, all warmth draining from his face.
His voice is ice when he replies. “I don’t ever want to hear you defending another man again. In fact… I don’t want to hear you utter the name of another man at all.”
Tears fall before I can stop them. My throat burns. I scrub at my cheeks with the heel of my palms, frustrated with myself for crying and with him for making me feel like I need to.
“Why are you like this?” I whisper hoarsely. “Don’t you trust me?”
He catches my wrist, gently but firmly. “Stop that,” he reprimands. “Don’t be so rough with yourself.” Then, quieter, “You didn’t trust me enough to tell me where you were going or who you were meeting either.”
My sob breaks loose then. I shove at his chest again, trying to gain distance, space—anything.
“I shouldn’t have moved in here,” I say. “I want to go back to the dorm.”
“No.” His arms are iron. “I won’t let you run every time it gets hard. I’m sorry, Olivia. I’m sorry it’s not easier to love me, but I love you too much to risk you leaving and never coming back.”
His voice begins to crack.
“I know you want space, but Ican’tgive it to you. I need you more than I need air.I trust you, I do, but I don’t trust the world to let me have you.”
His hand rises to cradle my cheek.
“I have to have you, Olivia,” he chokes. “I’m so fucking scared of being without you.”
The fight inside me gives way to something heavier. I don’t answer, not with words. But my arms move—slow and unsure—and I wrap them around him.
He gasps. A soft, startled sound of relief as he pulls me tighter, burying his face in my hair.
We stay like that for I don’t know how long. I’m too tired to measure time, too spent to think. The last thing I hear as sleep tugs me under is his voice, whispering my name, telling me that he loves me, over and over.
NINETEEN
nathaniel
The first thingI register is Olivia’s warmth beneath my arm.
I woke before the sun, as I often do. The room is still cloaked in shadows, but the soft glow from the city lights filters through the sheer curtains, casting faint gold over Olivia’s skin. She lies nestled against me, her breathing slow and even, the tension from last night having melted away into the reprieve of sleep.
I trace the line of her shoulder with the barest touch of my fingertips, pressing my lips against her hairline, breathing her in.She’s still here.That thought alone soothes some of my anxiety, yet unease lingers like a splinter beneath the skin.
She fell asleep in my arms, but not before tears had stained her cheeks, not before she tried to pull away. Andthat, I remind myself, is the part I can’t ignore.
She didn’t mean it,not truly.Of that, I am sure.
If she tries to leave, I’ll pull her back.Again and again, if I have to.
