“I have asked you to come so we may talk about your future,” Lady Clarissa said. “Now that you are no longer to be married, I assume that you wish to return to your original goals?”
Helena blinked. She had not even gone that far into her future. She had, for the past week, been set only on surviving each day as it came, and Helena quite forgot about her original plans. If there was any sign of the degree of turmoil her mind was in, this was it. She looked out the window for a moment and returned her gaze to her mother.
“Yes, Mama,” she said quietly. “After Faith and Grace are married, I would like to continue my original terms: a house of my own, a carriage, an allowance, and my freedom.”
Her mother nodded.
“It is exactly as your father and I thought. Well then, that is settled. After tomorrow, you must focus your energies on Faith. Next season will be her coming out.”
“Yes, Mama,” Helena said. “Is there anything else that you would like to talk to me about?”
“No, that is it.”
“Then I shall take my leave. Thank you.” Helena started to rise when her mother gestured for her to sit down again.
“One more thing, Helena,” Lady Clarissa continued. “Be sure that, when it is Faith’s turn in society, you do better. This family may not survive another scandal; the blight to our name will be too much.”
Helena could feel something rising within her; temper, courage, she was not sure. But at that very moment, she wanted to answer her mother with the words that were in her heart, with the hurt that she had kept there—all of those years of feeling abandoned and of feeling unloved.
How could her mother know what her daughters were capable of surviving? How could she know what strength lay in each of her daughters? What weaknesses? She hardly knew any of them.
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her mother looked at her strangely.
“Is there anything you wish to say, Helena?”
“Yes!” Helena said before she could stop herself.
Her mother merely looked at her, waiting for her to speak
“You and Papa have always provided for us. We have never wanted for anything material, and for that we are grateful. But would it hurt you, Mama, to ask once in a while how your daughters are?”
“What are you talking about, Helena? What nonsense is this? Your father and I know perfectly well everything that needs to be known about our daughters. That is why you are there to inform us, to let us know.”
Yes, you know your daughters’ accomplishments, their skills, what languages they speak, who their suitors are, but that is it!” Helena’s voice was rising but she could not help it, once she spoke, she could not seem to stop.
“I suppose I cannot blame you, in a society such as ours, those are the things that everyone prizes in daughters.”
Her mother put down her teacup.
“You are being nonsensical, Helena.”
“Am I, Mama? Perhaps this is the most that I have ever made sense. Perhaps this is the only time in my life that I have spoken words that are true—words that really matter.”
Helena gestured with her hands, unable to control the movement.
“You treat us like investments, like chattel, and appraise us according to what we can offer a husband. To you, that is a daughter’s only worth. We do not ask for much—we do not even ask for you to love us—we, my sisters and I, already have that, we love each other, and we are happy with that.”
Helena clasped her hands together like a prayer.
“But what I would like is for you to see my sisters, never mind me. I no longer need any of this, but Chastity, Faith, and Grace still do. They are not your investments; they are your daughters.”
Clarissa Ayles sat still, looking at Helena as if she had never seen her before, as if surprised at her.
“I apologize if I have taken too much of your time. I have spoken out of turn. I am sorry, Mama. You will never hear anything about this for me again.”
And without waiting for a reply, Helena strolled out the door, feeling a heaviness lift from her chest. It was too late for her; she had simply grown too old. But there was still time for her sisters. She only hoped that her words had an effect, even a small one, on her mother. But if they did not, which she quite suspected, then she would be there for her sisters as she had always been.
Never mind Helena. She would survive somehow, as she had always done.
