“It’s important.” He turned back toward me, his eyes boring into mine. “Tell me.”
My chest rose and fell quickly. I didn’t want to tell him. But Nyxthra pulsed forward without warning, forcing my response.
“You,” I confessed.
This was the closest I had ever come to telling him I liked him outright. He blinked at me slowly, unsure. His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. His green eyes were swirling red, but he didn’t look angry. He looked hurt.
“Will you say something?” I begged.
He closed his eyes tightly and turned away from me. I could see the steady rise and fall of his shoulders, but he remained silent for a long time.
“This doesn’t mean anything. I was wrong. Just forget all of this.”
Then he turned and went back into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. The ache in my chest was intense as I stared after him.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Chapter 9
Abram
Ihad avoided Elowyn since I showed her my star three days ago. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see her; it was the opposite. Her leaving our home had fucked me up. She could leave. She could disappear, and the thought terrified me. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to forget that she had the same magic as me, or that my star liked her. There was no bond between us, and that should be proof enough that she wasn't mine.
But maybe I was delusional because everyday I convinced myself that fate was fucked up and maybe she could somehow still end up being mine. My hand dragged through my hair. The truth of what was happening to me was trying to push forward—I was already lost to Elowyn. The only restraint I had left was knowing that if I had a different mate, it would hurt Elowyn. I didn't want to hurt her.
Elowyn’s soft whimper from the couch made me pause, my star mist already beginning to swarm. She groaned again, and Imoved toward the couch. I stopped in front of her. She looked up at me, her forehead covered in a sheen of sweat.
“Elowyn?” I whispered.
“Gods, strike me down, I feel terrible.”
My lips twitched slightly.
My fingers brushed the hair from her forehead. She had a fever. I hesitated only for a moment before scooping her up. She gripped me tightly as I walked her to my bedroom. I laid her down, her eyes widening as I tucked her into bed.
“Get some sleep.” I told her.
My magic swarmed around her, trying desperately to pinpoint the illness. Her eyes slowly fluttered shut as my magic pulled the sickness from her. I sighed as she passed out. She would feel better in a few hours. My gaze moved to my star that sat on the shelf. The green tendrils were seeping out of the box and coming toward Elowyn.
My star was attached to her. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel that tether pulling, an invisible thread humming low in my chest like her name had carved itself into my ribs. What did all of this mean?
Stars above, I could feel it in my chest when it touched her. Nyxthra was attached to me too. This all had to mean something, right? Her name alone made my pulse quicken. The way she had looked at my star, like she’d seen a secret I didn’t want found, still haunted me.
So why couldn’t I see our bond if it's there?
Because it isn’t there. She is not my mate. But why did that feel like a lie?
I told myself that over and over, but the words felt hollow, like a prayer that had long stopped working.
For the last two nights I dreamt of the same thing. Me, Elowyn, and four girls that looked like their mother. The dreams clung to me like smoke. I’d wake up with my hand reaching forher, with the taste of her name on my tongue, with my chest aching in a way that terrified me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was losing my grip on these emotions and feelings for her. Each hour away from her made me restless. Each glimpse of her made me forget why I should stay away.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let her touch my star; that only made the feelings worse. My hand dragged through my hair. I needed someone to tell me this was fine or explain to me what was happening. My star mist wrapped around me so I could go see the new Goddess of Knowledge; she had to know what was wrong with me.
I wondered if Elowyn was feeling better. Maybe I should bring her food when I am done. Fuck, she was consuming my godsdamn thoughts. I couldn’t even focus on what was going on. I felt like I was spiraling.
“Abram?” I shook from my thoughts and looked up to Calva and Vexlyn.
