I didn’t want to give her false hope because she wasn’t my mate, and at the end of the day, I could never have her. I swallowed down the bitter lump in my throat because I hated myself for what I needed to do.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Gods, this is getting too blurry. I like this too much. I needed to put the walls back up before I hurt her by making her think we could ever be anything. “Pretty much the opposite of you—blonde or red hair, blue eyes…”
She tensed against me. My eyes closed tightly, hating myself for lying to her. Her body pulled slightly from mine, and I immediately felt the loss. She nodded faintly but said nothing else. Fuck, I did not like hurting her like this. My grip tightened on her, worried she’d slip away.
Disgust filled my chest.
Her body was rigid against my touch now, like she couldn’t wait to get away from me. I hated this. I hated the way I made her feel. A pain in my chest made my jaw clench. The music ended, and I dreaded it because I knew I’d never have her in my hands like this again.
“Thanks for the dance,” she whispered as she dropped her hands from me. Elowyn didn’t look at me as she moved toward the two men. I watched as she went to the blond man, and he smiled brightly at her, pulling her to him for a dance.
I stood awkwardly where she had left me and watched her. I knew I should leave. I should turn around and leave this fucking place. She would find the right guy for her, and she’d forget about me. But I was a glutton for punishment. I didn’t leave. My soul felt tortured watching her smile and talk with the man who was everything opposite of me. She didn’t look to see if I was still there. She didn’t even seem to feel me staring at her.
“Get in line, buddy.” Someone’s voice tore me from my staring.
It was the other man who didn’t annoy her—the one who looked like me.
“I’m not in line for El.”
“Yeah, sure.” He huffed. “You’re just staring at her like that for no reason.”
“What the hell is your problem?” I asked.
“You pissed her off or something, because I was in the lead for this whole thing before you did whatever you did. Now she’s dancing with him.”
I rolled my eyes.
“She can do better than either of you.”
When I glanced back, Elowyn was gone. I looked around, but she had disappeared. The man she had been dancing with now stood alone. Concern flitted through me as I began looking for her. I walked around the party, but it was clear she wasn’t out here. My gaze moved to her bedroom window when I saw a shadow move in front of it.
I used my magic and put myself outside her bedroom door. It was cracked open, and she sat on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands. Then I heard a small sob tear from her. I hated that noise.
Did I do this?
“Please, I beg the moon and the heavens and any god who can change my fate to do it. I do not want this to be my future. Please give me back my mate bond, and let me find true love so this curse will go away.”
Mate bond. I knew she would likely have one because queens of covens typically did, but what did she mean give it back?
“I am tired of feeling unseen in a crowd of others. I am tired of being overlooked and not picked. I’m tired of not being enough—for this coven, for myself, or for a man to see me and pick me without stipulations.”
She whispered her next confession softly.
“I’m tired of wanting a man who does not see me. Who willneversee me.”
I see you, Elowyn. I always have.
I swallowed hard, wondering if it was me she thought of or someone else. She sighed heavily as she wiped her face. Elowyn just stared at the floor of her bedroom without moving. Someone was coming up the stairs toward us, so I shielded myself with my magic. They walked past me and knocked on Elowyn’s door.
“Hey, are you alright?” A witch close to her age walked in. She paused when she saw Elowyn had been crying. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“El…”
“I hated all of them. None of those men could be my mate,” she hissed.
“Well, the chances that you find your mate are practically nonexistent.”
