“Oh, Cole,” Charlie soothes, abandoning her spot and crawling toward me to pull me in for a hug. A pathetic sob bubbles up my throat, and I allow myself a moment to soak up her warmth and the comfort she provides. Then, I pull back and wipe my face clean of any evidence of my breakdown.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” she tells me, and it’s easy to make out the sincerity behind her words. “No one should have to go through that. If there’s anything I can do…”
“Honestly, if you still have some of that moonshine, I wouldn’t mind a shot or two. Don’t worry, I’m not going to strip and kick you out of your own bed again.”
Charlie gives a watery chuckle.
“Two shots of firewater, coming right up,” she says with a weak attempt at a smile.
“Is that why you’re here? To work through what happened with your family?” she asks once we’re both armed with a drink.
I toss mine back without waiting for her and prepare myself for the inevitable full-body shudder before saying, “Partly. But I also just needed some time away from everything, you know? After the funeral, I made it my sole mission to go after Mateo and wipe that evil son of a bitch off the face of the earth. I couldn’t rest until I knew he was six feet under, and the thought of putting a bullet in his brain was the only thing keeping me going.”
Charlie gives me a nod like she understands my need for revenge as she settles back into the cushions and covers her lower half with a throw blanket.
“It took me eighteen months to make it happen. You don’t just walk up to a cartel leader and shoot him in the head. Powerful men like Mateo are well protected. They don’t go anywhere without an entourage of enforcers. Truthfully, not a lot of people are crazy enough to attempt taking out the head of a criminal organization of that magnitude, but I didn’t care whether I lived or died. All I cared about was killing that despicable piece of shit by any means necessary, and about four months ago, an opportunity presenteditself and I took it. I also took out the rat who fed him intel, including my identity. Turns out he was one of our own. Apparently, the bureau wasn’t paying him enough, and he couldn’t turn down the money Gonzalez offered in exchange for information. He begged me for mercy when I broke into his house a few months after my family was murdered. I had none to give.”
Charlie doesn’t blink at my blunt delivery, and it’s then I realize the life she’s been forced to live alongside her ex must have desensitized her to the brutality of it. Which makes me wonder just how dangerous this Jason guy truly is. I already called in a favor with one of my contacts to do a deep dive on the fucker. Provide me with any info or dirt he can dig up on him. I’d never make the mistake of underestimating my opponent again, so I want to be as prepared as I can be when he makes his next move.
“As it turns out,” I continue, now that I’m certain she can handle the truth. “No one within the organization was all that sad to see Mateo go. Pretty sure his second in command already had a plan in place to take him out himself when I showed up to do his dirty work. I was basically doing Antonio a favor when I slaughtered that motherfucker, which is why no one ever retaliated against me.
Antonio knows it was all about some form of closure for me, and doesn’t consider me a threat to his business. But once I’daccomplished what kept me focused for so long, I found myself once again without a purpose. I aimlessly floated through the days, unsure of what to do with myself now that I’d avenged my girls. I’d hoped ridding the world of Mateo would make me feel better. That it would bring me a sense of relief, but the truth is, it didn’t bring them back.” I swallow hard before wrapping up the sordid tale of my past in a rush of jumbled words.
“My buddy, Mads, finally convinced me to take a leave of absence and deal with my grief. Said I’d pushed it to the back of my mind for so long it was bound to sneak up on me sooner or later, and he was right. So, I booked myself a cabin in the middle of nowhere, packed up my shit, and here we are.”
Charlie studies me with pursed lips and inquisitive eyes, like she’s trying to figure out the answer to a complicated question.
“That’s why you freaked out this morning. When you thought we had…you know? You haven’t been with anyone since your wife?” I pour myself another shot of gut rot and swallow it down before I give her a nod, confirming her suspicions.
“I’ll admit, the thought of having crossed that line after two years of abstinence and not being able to remember a single second of that colossal moment, had me reeling. I didn’t know how to deal with my conflicting feelings. It’s not like my wife and I divorced because we’d drifted apart. She was ripped away from me in themost violent way, and I was still very much in love with her when it happened. Still am. So, when I thought I’d slept with someone who wasn’t her. I don’t know,” I say, unsure how to give voice to my rampant thoughts. “It felt wrong. Like I was disloyal to her and everything we had together. Like I sullied her memory somehow by not being coherent enough to make a conscious choice to move on.” Blowing out a heavy breath, I scrub a hard hand down the length of my face. “I understand she’s been gone a long time, and that she wouldn’t expect me to live like a monk forever. Hell, Mads has told me more than once that it’s okay to have needs, and, logically, I know I can’t live the rest of my life without ever touching another woman. I just haven’t met anyone who made me want to take that step. No one I found myself drawn to,” I admit and flick my gaze up to meet her curious expression. “Until you.”
seventeen
Charlie
Until you.Talk about a surprise revelation. My eyes shoot to his, and the guilty, yet heated look on his face sends a warm sensation down my spine that settles low in my belly. Somewhere over the past couple of weeks, my irritation with the brooding, yet caring man across from me turned into more than just a mild interest.
I knew it with absolute certainty when the mere thought of having slept with me made him tear out of my apartment, like a sexual encounter with me was the most horrifying event imaginable. If I’m being honest with myself, I think his reaction hurt so much because, in my mind, I’d already convinced myself that my growing attraction toward him wasn’t one-sided. Subconsciously,I’d already started to believe that whatever this pull was between us had the potential to turn into something more. Not that we’d ever fall madly in love, and he’d end up staying in Moose Harbor forever.
I’m enough of a realist to know a man like Cole doesn’t belong here, and I’m very aware that our time together comes with an expiration date. But he’s not the only one who hasn’t been touched in far too long, and we’re both only human. I may have talked a big game about my vibrating buddy and how he gets me there faster than a man ever could, but the truth is, it doesn’t replace a warm body. It can’t give me that soul-deep connection only a partner who genuinely cares about you and your pleasure can provide, and I have a feeling Cole would be far from selfish. He’s too proud. Too perceptive. Too alpha, and I know he loves a challenge.
I can’t even remember the last time I had sex and enjoyed it. Jason certainly hadn’t cared enough to make me feel good over the last decade, only concerned with his own pleasure. I was nothing but a convenient hole to stick his less than average cock into. He didn’t give a shit about consent, and half the time, he was too rough for me to feel anything but discomfort during our lackluster exchanges.
I quickly learned that it was easier and a lot less painful if I didn’t put up a fight and simply endured the five minutes it took for himto get himself off. Which is how I ended up getting pregnant in the first place. Whenever Jason came home drunk, which happened more often than not, he couldn’t be bothered with a condom. I’d suffered from debilitating migraines for years before my doctor eventually advised me to get off birth control altogether to see whether it made a difference. It did, and Jason was well aware that the only thing standing between him and the children he never wanted was a thin layer of latex. But whenever he had a few too many, the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy didn’t seem to matter. And why would it, if all you had to do to take care of the problem was shove the mother of your unborn child down two flights of stairs?
I can’t even imagine the utter agony Cole must’ve experienced upon finding not only his wife, but his little girl that day. A little girl he had three years to form a bond with. I lost my baby when she wasn’t yet fully grown. I hadn’t even gotten a chance to meet her. To watch her develop a personality. To build years of memories and nurture that special kind of love between a child and a parent. And yet, I’d grieved the loss of her with every fiber of my being. Yearned for the idea of what could’ve been had she only lived.
For weeks following myaccident, I was unable to drag myself out of bed. Stuck in a place so dark, my heart still aches thinking about that time. And for someone like Cole, who’s made it his solemission in life to serve and protect, it must’ve been a special kind of hell, not being able to save the ones he held most dear.
I understand him a little better now. I get why he keeps people at arm’s length and rarely smiles with his whole face. It only makes me want him more. My battered soul calls out to him, and the fixer in me simply wants to give him comfort. When his hungry eyes don’t shift away from mine, and he runs the tip of his tongue over that full bottom lip, I act on impulse. Pushing the throw blanket off my legs, I move toward him, lifting a tentative hand and gently palming his stubbled cheek. His lids flutter shut at the contact, like the simple act of physical touch has become so foreign to him, he wants to savor the feeling before it disappears again. When his eyes finally open, his golden irises shimmer with an unknown emotion, and the air begins to crackle between us. We stare into each other’s souls, each of us trying to decide if the risk is worth the potential heartbreak.
Then his hand finds the nape of my neck, and he applies pressure, propelling me forward and causing me to crash into him. The second our lips touch, my shoulders sag with relief, and my whole body melts into him, a display of fireworks exploding in my head. Holy Mother of God, the man can kiss. Once his mind is made up, he doesn’t hold back, licking into my mouth and exploring every inch with his talented tongue. A needy moan climbs my throat,and he greedily drinks it down. His large hands encircle my hips, and he drags me onto his lap like I weigh nothing. I answer in kind, not skipping a beat as I brazenly grind myself down on his sizable bulge. A sharp hiss escapes him, and we break apart, panting.
“Better slow it down a bit, Tink. As I’ve said, it’s been a while, and if you keep doing that, there’s a good chance I’ll come in my pants before we get to the good part.”
“I have a feeling you have a short recovery time, so I’m not too worried about it.”
I feel his deep chuckle in my chest, we’re that close, and I dip my head for another soul-destroying kiss. His hands begin to roam my body before coming to rest on the underside of my heavy breasts. He glances up at me, silently asking permission to take things further, and I almost give myself whiplash, I’m nodding so hard. Amusement curls his lips, and he grabs the hem of my shirt, peeling it off me before tossing it aside, where it lands on Scooby’s head. Startled, my dog jumps up and starts shaking his entire body in an effort to dislodge it.
