“You talk to Stevie?” I turn toward him and smile like the devil.
It’s petty. Mean. Retaliation is a bitch.
The silence that follows is different. Heavier.
“How are you holdin’ up?” Connor puts on his big-brother hat.
Padraig chews the inside of his cheek. “Nothing I can do to change it.”
“You gave up a lot for the band.” Connor taps the table with his fingertips.
Padraig glances at me, always leaning into diplomacy despite what an asshole I am. “Weboth did.”
“So.” Connor sits back, arms crossed, eyes sharp. “You ever think about comin’ home for a family dinner?”
His comment makes me nauseous.
Padraig exhales, pained. “Nah. It’s not home for us anymore.”
“He’s not drinkin.’” Connor leans back. “By all accounts, he’s tryin’.”
I laugh, sharp and mean. “Oh really? He tried to kill me. Now he’s tryin’ kale and yoga?”
“No,” Connor says. “He’s strugglin’ to stay alive. So is Ma. So are the boys.”
“Clearly, I wouldn’t know how to show up without starting a fire,” I spit out.
Connor nods patiently. “Then don’t bring a match. Come to dinner. See your brothers. Ignore Da if you want.”
Padraig looks at me. “We could go to say hi. Eat Ma’s stew. What I’d give for a taste of it.”
“I’ll think about it.” I look away.
When the bill comes, Connor lays down his black AMEX without a word. The check disappears like it never existed.
Outside, Lake Washington still shimmers in the background of where our beat-up old van is parked.
Connor throws one arm around each of us. “Let me know when you’re done with trackin’. I’ll keep you posted about the tour.”
Padraig hugs him again. Longer this time. Connor holds on.
Then it’s the two of us, staring at the lake like it might tell us who the fuck we are.
“Fuck. Do you still think we’ve got a shot?” I ask honestly.
Padraig opens the passenger door. “Dunno anymore. I think we’ve got somethin’ worth savin’.”
We climb into the vehicle. I start the engine. It turns over like a giant, roaring lion.
As we pull away, I tell myself all of this is still worth it.
Believe it.
Even if only for tonight
twenty-nine
Avonna
