Niamh opens her mouth like she’s going to speak, then stops.
Thinks on it then blurts, “Was it a girl?”
Her question takes me by surprise.
I shake my head.
She stares at me. No yelling. No confusion. No collapse.
Her face stays still, but there’s something in her eyes. Sharp. Unreadable.
“Jesus fuckingChrist.”
In this moment, I realize she must have suspected long before I ever admitted it to myself. I never lied to her about how I felt. I love her. I still do. I can’t help it if there’s something inside me I don’t fully understand. Buried too deep to touch without setting off alarms.
Part of me wonders if she’s been waiting for this moment to ask questions she doesn’t want answers to. Not to punish me. Maybe to punish herself.
I take her hand. “I didn’t plan it.”
“Oh, well. Makes the news so much better.” She sniffs, “When?”
“On holiday—”
She holds up a hand. “Oh, so you fucked a guy in Greece? Well, that explains it.”
I nod again.
“I knew you were acting off when you came home.” Niamh pulls her hand away.
“Well, we didn’t fuck, though. He gave me a blowjob,” I explain. “It was only the once.”
“Oh, brilliant. No big deal.”
I wince. “It didn’t mean anything.”
“Linus.” She shakes her head. “So. Much. Worse.” Niamh paces now. Her chest heaves with hurt and anger. “So you’regay?”
“No,” I answer too quickly. “I’m not. I’m attracted to women too. Obviously.”
“Obviously? Linus. One wee blowjob from a random bloke has killed your sex drive for me. Are you fuckin’ serious?”
My silence doesn’t help.
She shakes her head, tears forming in her eyes. “I thought we were solid.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure you still want me?” Niamh’s voice is vulnerable. Sad.
“Yes.”
“Then prove it.”
Niamh charges forward and pushes me back onto the bed. Climbs over me, wrapping her hand around my cock. Strokes me fast. Rough. Once I get the beginnings of an erection, she straddles me again, riding me like she’s trying to erase everything I told her.
I grip her hips. Watch her tits bounce as she fucks me. To stay with it, I fantasize about the man. The way his lips worked my cock. How he knew what I needed before I did.
Niamh comes. I manage to ejaculate too, not sure if it’s from her or the memory of the guy’s mouth on me. Either way, it proves…something.
