No more shame.
forty-nine
Liam
Later That Day
Iknowhowtoblow things up.
Push people away before they can smell my shame.
Then Linus brought her into my life.
Avonna knows exactly who she is. She names her desires with a steady voice. Goes after what she wants without apology. When she decided on both Linus and me, it’s her truth, not a transgression.
I want to fall to my knees for her.
For them.
Instead, I gave them my body but kept my truth locked away. I made myself small again. Starved at the tablethey set.
Avonna called me on it many times. Made herself vulnerable and told me my silence felt like rejection. Linus gave me space, not punishment. I’m not such which hurt worse.
I’m the problem. My silence. My cowardice. Yet, they’re still here. Waiting. Not for perfection. For honesty.
I nearly lost everything tonight, but here we are.
Wet. Clean from the shower. Wrapped in each other on the couch in my hotel suite.
I’m done running.
I press my cheek against Avonna’s. She blinks up at me, smiling like she already knows what I’m about to say.
“I want this,” I swear solemnly. “You. Him. Us. Our baby. I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
She touches my cheek. “Good.”
“I feel free.” Linus leans in. Kisses the back of my neck. “Whatever the consequences, we’re in it together.”
I wrap my arm around her from behind and pull Linus against my back. Our bodies are clean and our souls are catching up to the events of the past twelve hours.
It seems so stupid now. How I’ve deliberately closed myself off to my future. My family.
My family is in this room.
Untraditional. Unorthodox.
Unbreakable.
Avonna’s head rests on my chest, one leg draped over mine like she’s anchoring herself there. Linus lies along my other side, long and quiet, his fingers tracing absent lines along my forearm. We can hear the low hush of the city outside, distant traffic and the faint rattle of an elevator somewhere down the hall.
We’ve gone still.
Not awkward. Not tense.
Aware.
“I keep thinking about it.” Avonna voice is slightly muffled against my chest. “What it means. It’s all hitting me.”
