Prologue
Liam - Present Day
Ishouldn’thavecome.
This was the conversation I had with myself on the flight.
And again, when the taxi crossed river Liffey and the Dublin skyline came into view.
I’ve never been here. This is a city I’ve spent years avoiding. Until a few months ago, my band Fireball had never played in Ireland at all. I made sure of it. Always found a reason to avoid it.
Too many ghosts.
Too much history I wasn’t ready to deal with.
A few days ago, Linus messaged.
Simple.Polite.
Linus: If you’re passing through Dublin when you’re done with the European tour, maybe let’s talk.
Fuck.
I’ve spent what seems like a million years chasing the rockstar dream with my twin brother Padraig. Living out of vans. Crashing on floors. Putting out music. Bleeding for every gig. He should’ve walked years ago to follow the girl he loved. He didn’t because I needed him to stay.
I live with the guilt every fucking day.
Our once-close family is a mess. After a car accident, Da turned into a bitter, misogynistic drunk. Gambled the family money. Drove the business into the ground.
Oh, and he nearly killed me.
Apparently, none of this was bad enough for my ma to leave him.
My oldest brother Connor gave up everything when the old man went down. Quit college. Took over the business. Raised the rest of my brothers like a second father. Now he’s the bass player in Less Than Zero, the biggest band in the world.
This summer, he gave Fireball a much-needed boost by giving us the opening time slot on their European tour. We were able to fill in the gaps with a slew of festival gigs.
We killed it, but in true Fireball form our lead singer quit and now we’re back to the fucking drawing board.
Once again, the band is teetering. Padraig won’t say the words, but I see it in his eyes. He’s almost out.
He’s always followed my lead, trusting my determination to make us a success even when he’s wanted something else. Now, we’re back to square one, and he may not have it in him to continue.
I don’t blame him. Without a stable front person, we’re probably chasing something already dead.
The thing is, I’ve poured my entire life into this band and can’t give up on us yet. Abandoning the only steady thing I’ve ever had isn’t an option.
I understand loss. I’ve fucked my way around the world to try to quell the grief. Men. Women. Whatever would help me forget the only person I’ve ever given my heart to.
Linus O’Donnell.
My college love. He managed the band. Believed in us and the music when few others did. We were working our way up when his visa expired and he returned home to Ireland. I didn’t ask him to stay. Fight for him when it counted.
At the time, I convinced myself I didn’t deserve to have love when my brother gave up his.
I’ve purposely stayed away as both penance and punishment.
Until now.
