Chapter One
Derek
I’m a good friend. I laugh to myself. I must be—I’ve knocked back tickets to the tennis to check in on Nathan’s little brother. I guess I should stop thinking of him that way. Ryan is…what?—twenty-nine now, so close to thirty. Although that seems young given Nathan and I hit forty-one this year.Jeez, where’s the time gone?
I rap my knuckles against the door of the third floor walkup apartment. There are sounds coming from inside and my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing Ryan again. God knows what he thinks about me stopping around at Nathan’s request, although I’m damn glad Nathan asked me to.
When Ryan opens the door and I see the smile lighting up his face, the tension eases from my shoulders.
“Derek, it’s great to see you.”
“You too.”
He pulls me into a hug, a hug that’s over all too soon. Or maybe the hug was way too long. Either way, it’s for the best that his body is no longer pressed close to mine.
He steps back, smile still on his face. “Come on in.”
I follow him inside, drinking in the sight of him.
He’s always been good looking, but now he radiates a quiet confidence and maturity. The young guy I once knew has become a man over the last couple of years. Always lanky, he’s filled out. He’s still slim but his shoulders have broadened. His blond hair has darkened and his tan brings out the colour of his eyes. The stubble on his jaw adds to the maturity, roughing the soft edges.
“Beer?” he offers, heading to the kitchen.
“Sure.” I join him, leaning against the counter. “So, how’ve you been?”
Ryan shrugs, handing me a bottle from the fridge. “I picked up a contracting job, so staying busy with work. The usual. Can’t complain.” He avoids my eyes, fidgeting with the label on his beer.
“That’s good. I’m glad you found work so quickly.” There’s more to the story, but I won’t pry. When he’s ready to open up, I’ll be here to listen.
Ryan smiles again, brighter this time. “I don’t want to talk about me. Come sit down and fill me in on what’s new with you. It’s been ages since we caught up properly. Messages and phone calls just don’t cut it. When was it I last saw you? Christmas when I came home to Sydney for a visit?”
“Sounds about right,” I say as I follow him outside, where we settle onto the balcony with our beers. I launch into an update on my life, keeping things light. In reality there’s not a lot to tell—my life’s fairly uneventful. I’ve worked for the same financial planning company for the last eight years. I’ve got a mortgage and a golf club membership. I take a trip each year, but I usuallysplit my time between work, my family, and a regular game of golf.
We sip our beers as we chat. The balcony overlooks a park, the expanse of green grass and canopy of trees providing a relaxing view. There’s a light breeze rustling the leaves, but not enough to chill the early evening air.
“Thanks for stopping by,” Ryan says softly. “It means a lot.”
I bump his bottle with mine. “Of course. It’s good to have you back. And what are friends for?”Friends.That’s all we’re destined to be. The word lodges in my throat like a stone, but I force a smile. “Sounds like Nathan’s new job is working out well,” I say, changing the subject to a lighter topic. “He was ready for a change and it’s awesome he got the promotion.”
Ryan’s face brightens as we talk about his brother who’s been seconded to his company’s head office across the country. Nathan and Ryan are like chalk and cheese. Like me, Nathan works in finance, rapidly rising through the ranks of the bank, while Ryan works with his hands. The things he can do astound me—he can fix or build anything, while I can’t even assemble IKEA furniture. Not that I’d admit that to Ryan.
Conversation then turns to the past.
“Hey, do you remember that time we went camping during the summer after I completed my apprenticeship and you convinced me there were crocodiles in the river?” Ryan laughs, shaking his head. “I didn’t sleep a wink all night. I was scared shitless.”
“You were gullible.” I chuckle at the memory. “Nathan and I had you going for days with that one. At least you didn’t venture off alone to swim like you threatened to do.”
“Anyone would want to escape the two of you. Arseholes,” Ryan says, but he’s smiling and gazing at me with a warmth that makes my pulse quicken. “You always were looking out for me, even when I didn’t realise it.”
If only he knew the truth—that my desire to protect him ran deeper than brotherly affection. That it came from love, a love I’ve carried secretly ever since that holiday seven years ago when I first saw him as a man, no longer a boy.
Our conversation fades into a comfortable silence. Ryan leans forward, resting his forearms on the table. He takes a sip from his beer, then meets my gaze. “So what about romance?” he asks. “Anything new I should know about?”
I hesitate, picturing the string of meaningless hookups that have become more and more infrequent. “Some. Nothing serious.”
Ryan raises a brow, the flicker in his eyes difficult to read. “Don’t you get lonely?”
“I keep busy with work.” It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. The truth is, I’m not really looking, not when I know I can’t give my heart to anyone.
