Parker took a deep breath. “Rafe said pretty much the same thing.”
“And he’s right. Just focus on the music, not the audience. Just do it.”
“What if I stuff up, let you all down?”
“You won’t let us down. What’s the worst-case scenario?”
“I freeze up.”
“Okay, so you freeze up. Then what?”
“It’ll be like that gig I did with you back in high school.”
“Hey, I know you didn’t enjoy being on stage, but I don’t think you gave yourself much of a chance. Plus it was ten years ago. A lot of people get stage fright. Some overcome it, and some never do, always battling the anxiety before getting on stage. Your memories of that night are very different to mine. You were so nervous, you forget that you nailed it. Were you the most natural performer in the world? Probably not, but you got through it, and the only person critical of your performance was you. You’re your own worst critic sometimes, little brother. As far as playing with HyperOctane, the main thing is you’ll be playing, that we’ll have someone on lead guitar. Listen, Parker, the worst thing that will happen is you’ll get through the songs and feel as uncomfortable as all hell doing it. But we couldn’t do it without you.”
Harvey’s words went some way to making to Parker feel better and he grasped the logic of it. He just hoped the rational portion of his brain won out over the fucked up anxious part when push came to shove later that night.
“Thanks for the advice, bro. Listen, I wanted to tell you something else.”
“Yeah?”
Please, Harvey, don’t be pissed off.“It’s about Rafe. I’ve sort of being seeing him.” The words all rushed out together as he spilled his guts. “Well, not really seeing him, like we’re not in a relationship or anything.”Jesus, why does this have to be so hard?
Harvey chuckled. “It’s okay, Parker. I saw the photos of you two leaving the party back in Sydney. I sort of figured something might be going on. He’s a good guy. You could do a lot worse.”
“I’m not planning on having a relationship with him, Harvey.”
“Why not?”
“Three words. Rock star. Me.”
He could hear the growl down the phone. “If I could get myself on a goddamned plane, I’d be flying to London right now and wringing Stav’s elegant neck. He had no right to make you feel like shit about yourself.”
At Harvey’s words, the memories resurfaced. He recalled the horror of finding out about Stav’s indiscretions by seeing the publicity photos on social media. The way the stranger had his arm possessively wrapped around Stav, the way Stav’s hand sat low on the guy’s hip, fingers splayed across his belly. The other photos were in the same vein, but Parker had forced himself not to look much beyond the first handful. But if seeing the photos had hurt, it was Stav’s words that had done the most damage. Apparently Parker wasn’t the type of man who looked good on the arm of up and coming model Stavros.It doesn’t mean anything, Parker. I still love you, sweetheart. It was just for publicity. It’s important for my career. You understand, don’t you? Being with those models keeps my name in the social pages…
The words echoed in his head. Parker pushed them away. He knew it was more than just photos, that Stav’s cheating had extended well beyond a few photo opportunities. Logically he’d understood that Stav was shallow, but it still hurt.
“Parker? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I’m all right.”
“You’re more than all right. You’re fucking amazing. You just need to remember that.”
“Thanks, Harv.”
“No worries, little bro. Now go and knock ’em dead tonight, and have some fun while you’re at it.”
If only it were that easy.
24
The interview went pretty much how Rafe expected it; a bunch of fairly standard questions.What drives you to front a band? What challenges have you faced? How do you handle the adoration of the fans? What’s it like being gay in a straight male dominated industry?This last question pissed Rafe off, and he couldn’t wait till the day that his sexuality didn’t come into play and LGBTQI representation was normalised in music. But to that end, it was important to raise the visibility of bands and performers who didn’t fit the straight mould. He plastered on his usual smile and spoke about the challenges, and acceptance, and those who’d come before him, paving the way. He highlighted how much further they still had to go. He valued the opportunity to speak positively and share the message; still, it was a relief when it was all over.
From there they transferred to the venue where they’d be performing that night, kicking off the show for the Bad Boys. It was only a small theatre, and only a short set, but Rafe itched to get up on stage. He needed a good dose of HyperOctane craziness, belting out the songs he knew so well and engaging with the audience to get his adrenaline pumping and settle his soul. The afternoon was full of sound checks and preparations and way too little one-on-one time with Parker. Before he knew it, they were all hustled into a small backstage room for a last-minute briefing with Nigel and Sheila.
“Listen up, boys,” Nigel said, once they’d all quietened down. “You go on in an hour. You sounded great up there, so relax and have some fun. Parker? You nailed it again, so I’m especially directing my comment at you.”
The guys all chuckled, but Rafe could hear the nerves in Parker’s laugh. Still, he gave a thumbs up, so it was good to see him trying to be positive. Rafe moved closer, allowing their arms to brush in a sign of moral support. “Nige’s right. You were great,” he whispered. He was rewarded with a small smile.
