It finally dawned on Ben that Cameron wasn’t laughing at him, and Cameron wasn’t surprised. Cameron was… happy?
“Oh, Ben, buddy. I think it’s been obvious, especially over the last couple of weeks, except maybe to Spence who’s blinded by his own self-doubt—oh, and Suzie. We didn’t want to say anything—personal space and everything—but we’ve been waiting for you to bring it up. I’m happy for you, bud, and I know Mel will be absolutely over the moon. She’ll be planning your wedding next.”
Ben looked at him in a combination of shock and horror—shocked that Cameron and Mel had obviously been discussing his love life—if you could call it that—and horror that they might say something to Spence. In fact, horror that they might say something toanyoneand it’d get back to Spence! He didn’t want to freak Spence out any more than he already had, and he wasn’t sure what Spence’s reaction would be to their friends knowing how Ben felt about him.
“I don’t think it’s going to work. I’m pretty sure that Spence doesn’t feel that way about me,” Ben said, shaking his head sadly.Spence freaked out and ran away, for God’s sake.“Please don’t mention anything.”
“Sure, I won’t say anything you don’t want me to, but I think we’ve got a lot to talk about. How about I get us another beer?”
Ben nodded. And they did talk, Ben finally able to open up about all the things going through his head—his family and Spence. But one thing he didn’t talk about was the issue of Suzie. He didn’t think it was his place to spill her secrets, even to Cameron, although he was interested to hear that Cameron and Mel had always thought Suzie’s infatuation was a temporary thing and were sure she was still in love with her ex, Paul.
Cameron listened and tried to offer comfort, but there wasn’t much he could do about Ben’s dad, apart from offering to help out with Ben’s mum if needed. He also didn’t know anything about Spence’s whereabouts, only having got the same brief text message that Ben had received, but he did his best to offer Ben advice and assure Ben that everything would be okay.
“What did you mean about Spence?”
Cameron swallowed the last of his beer. “You mean his insecurity?”
Ben nodded.
“Remember when Spence was teased at school? He had it tough for a year or two, and no matter what he says, I think some of it rubbed off. He’s geeky—”
“In a good way.”
Cameron chuckled. “In a very good way, and we all love him exactly the way he is, but I’ve always had the feeling that Spence has doubts about himself. I’d put money on him not having enough confidence to put himself out there.”
“Based on recent experience, I’m not sure I’d trust your wagering, but I guess I get where you’re coming from. He’s never been the type of guy to draw attention to himself, and he’s much more comfortable on the sidelines.”
“All betting and joking aside, just because he hasn’t opened up about his feelings for you, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. I think the two of you are both guilty of hiding from yourselves and from each other.”
Ben could only nod in agreement. He was definitely guilty as charged. He hidden his true self for so long, trying to meet his family’s expectations, that he’d become the champion of secrets and poor communication, and look where that left him.
When Cameron eventually left a couple of hours later, Ben breathed a sigh of relief. There had been no sign of rejection, just love and support.
* * *
“Mrs H,”Ben spoke into the phone. “It’s me, Ben. I’m sorry to bother you again.”
“That’s alright, sweetheart. It’s always a pleasure to hear from you.” He could tell she was smiling as she spoke the words.
“I was wondering if you’d heard from Spence. I still can’t reach him and wanted to know if there was any word on when he’s coming back home?” He held his breath, a flutter in his belly as he waited for her response.Please.
She answered but only with some of what he wanted to hear. “Yes, I’ve spoken to him. He’s doing well, but I don’t think he’s ready to come home yet. From what I can gather, he’s enjoying his time away from work and using the opportunity to refocus.”
“Oh.” He couldn’t think of what else to say, the disappointment heavy in his gut.
“He’s actually spending a lot of time surfing. I think he’s having fun spending time with Jack an—” She stopped suddenly, maybe realizing she was giving too much away.
Ben couldn’t help himself; he had to ask, “Jack?” he said with a wobble in his voice.
“Jack’s his cousin, Ben. You probably remember him as a kid when he came for Christmas a few years ago. Now that Jack’s a little older, I think they are enjoying hanging out a bit more, but no one who could replace you, Ben. You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart. I know I made it sound as if he’s away having a great holiday, but I know Spence is doing a lot of soul searching. I’m sure you’ll hear from him soon. It’s just a matter of time, and he’ll be ready to reach out again. But listen, Ben, I don’t expect him back for a few weeks yet—he’s also helping his aunt with some things around the place. She runs her own B & B and can really do with the help. I need to ring off now, Ben, but keep positive.”
He hung up and wandered into the kitchen.Fuck, he’ll be away for weeks?Spence was obviously doing okay, and knowing he was safe was a huge weight off Ben’s mind. His mum obviously knew where he was—somewhere with his aunt and cousin—and was keeping in contact. Her initial comments about Jack had had Ben worried—just a little niggle of uncertainty—and he’d been relieved to hear Jack wasn’t a potential… what? Boyfriend? Lover? His skin crawled at the idea of Spence with someone else and reinforced his own feelings.
Mrs Henderson seemed to think he’d hear from Spence soon and shouldn’t worry. Maybe he needed to take a leaf out of her book and hope for the best. For sure, mulling over everything wasn’t getting him anywhere. Perhaps he should focus on getting on with his life so he’d be ready when Spence finally returned. The next few weeks would hopefully fly by.Fingers crossed.
With a new determination to keep a positive mindset, Ben crossed the kitchen and opened the fridge to peer inside. The fridge was full of fresh fruit and vegetables from his trip to the supermarket that morning, plus all the ingredients for the lasagne he intended making for dinner. He already had the beef simmering on the stovetop so reached for the butter and milk he needed for the béchamel. There was nothing like homemade lasagne, layers of pasta, meat, the smooth creamy white sauce and melted cheese—delicious. His stomach growled at the thought of the perfect comfort food.
As he stirred the sauce, ensuring a smooth and lump-free consistency, he mentally reviewed the week ahead. Dinner with Cameron and Mel tonight, a quick visit to his mum on Tuesday, plus he had arranged to take Maddy to the movies later in the week. Work would be busy, meeting with a couple of potential clients, plus starting a new landscaping job. He was designing this garden from scratch, so he expected to spend quite a lot of time planning rather than doing. Sunday would be spent playing basketball, followed by the usual lunch, this time at the local pub. It should be a good week—busy to keep his mind off things—and only Spence’s return would make it better.
