"You're kind of a freak," I said, grinning.
"All nerds are," he said."You want an express ride on the weird train?"
"I don't think we have time for some nasty Cenobite sex," I said."But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.Can I pencil you in on my dance card?When all this is over… I'll have to talk to Eddie and Vic about it."
"There's a chance we won't survive," he said."Do you really want to take that chance?You could miss out on all of this."
I closed my eyes.I was lying if I said he was any good at this.I would be lying if I said his attempts at seduction weren't creepy, bizarre, and probably fueled by whatever my blood had done to him.I would be lying if I said I found him anything but attractive.Maybe it was adrenaline—maybe it was the weird situation, maybe it was his braggadocio, or maybe it was that I was hard-wired to want to fool around with weirdoes.My dating history was filled with guys way worse than him.But my libido had suddenly spiked, and with it, my desire to completely and utterly become enmeshed with his repellant nature.
I leaned forward to kiss him.He moved into it.
"What's your biggest fantasy?"he asked in my ear.
I don't know why I said it.It just popped out of my mouth.
"I've always wondered what tentacle sex would be like," I said.
"Watch this," he said.
I found myself repulsed, turned on, and horrified as he began to change.
"Wait a minute," I said."Hold on."
"You already said it.No backsies."
He began to grow… and grow… and grow… and soon enough, there was less Nagi than there was some weird muscular octopus-Nagi.All of the tentacle ends looked like… like…
He waggled two of them in front of me.They wavered in the air like snakes.
"Oh yeah," he said, bouncing back and forth."One, or two?One, or two?"
"Alright," I said."I'm done.I'm sorry.This went from a 'Woah' to a 'No' real fast."
His tentacles withdrew, shriveling, and he shrank back to his real self, his face dejected.
"Did I gross you out?"he asked.
"No, I think I grossed myself out," I said.
"Man," he said."I've always wanted to try that, too."
I patted his shoulder.
"Look, when this is over—if—and this is a big if—I survive, and change my mind, and we're not surrounded by dead people on every side.And I can get my boyfriends to agree to it.We can have whatever weird shapeshifter sex you want to have.I'm intrigued, I'm not going to lie."
"Great," he said in a quiet voice."Okay.Can you.Leave.I need to find some clothes and this is awkward now."
"I'm going to go stand over there and look in the corner," I said.
"Thank you," he said, his voice dejected.
"If it helps," I said."I was right there.Just about to take you up on it."
"I'm not sure it does," he said."What do you think about the cashmere?It's calling to me."
"Do they have it in purple?Purple's pretty regal."
"I guess it won't matter much when I shred it," he said.
