“The puker got ‘em.I tossed them out the window after that.There were worms or something all over them.”
“Yuck,” he said.“You know, a healthy GI tract clears a lot of that up.I mean.Look, it’s not hard to culture an environment where that stuff doesn’t grow.It’s not hard to pass anymore.Not when we have kombucha and probiotics and just about any supplement under the sun.”
“Good to know,” I said.
“If you get going quick enough, it’s almost like nothing happened,” Joey said.“Turn here.”
Finally, the fifth floor.
“Okay, this should be your stop,” Joey said.“Need anything else?”
“No,” I said.“Thanks.”
“Maybe you could introduce me to Tamara?”he asked.
I tried not to roll my eyes.
“Look, Joey—”
“Look, I know,” he said.“You don’t have to give me that look.But I’m still a person, you know.I still have feelings and emotions and crave human contact.I take good care of myself.”
I nodded.
“Yeah, you do,” I said.“I’m just not sure she’s… you know.”
“Into dead guys,” he said.His voice was flat.
“I was gonna say ready to date.But since we’re on the subject, we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse,” I said.
His face reflexively squeezed.
“You don’t have to say it like that,” he said.“I’m not asking you to be my wingman.I’m just wondering if you’d introduce us.If she likes me, she likes me.If she doesn’t.I can take a hint.”
“You know women have a hard enough time dealing with living men as it is.”
“I didn’t ask for a feminist lecture, but if we’re on the subject of minority representation and equality, you really need to think about the way you talk about the Living Impaired.It’s a fact that the Living have a prejudice about dating the Dead.We’re just seen as non-sexual entities or threatening.It’s offensive.”
“Nobody has to date you,” I said.
“Here we go.Another living person telling me I don’t know what prejudice is like.”
“Jesus Christ,” I said.“You know I’m dating undead people, right?Vampires.”
“That’s different.And that doesn’t mean you can’t have prejudiced attitudes.”
“Look, I know there are people out there who actively seek people like you—”
Joey made a face.
“Chasers?”he asked.“Yeah, big turn off.Would you want to date someone that was only into you because of a sexual fetish?”
I paused.
“I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“Clearly,” he said.“Look, I just want a normal relationship.Being Living Impaired doesn’t mean you can’t go on and have a normal life.”
“Tamara wants kids,” I said.
