“Lion.”
He frowned.“She’s your mate?”At Ryan’s nod, he murmured, “How’s that possible?Jessa told me that wasn’t…”
“It isn’t impossible, it’s just uncommon.”
Joseph scraped a hand over his jaw.“Why doesn’t that feel like bullshit?”
“Because it isn’t.It happens.Rarely.Especially with strong Shifters.”
Joseph let out a little laugh.“Jessa was strong.Makes sense her daughter would be, too.”
El gulped.“Didn’t you investigate her?Didn’t you find out where she went?”
Joseph clenched his jaw but the tumbler in his hand took on a significant importance to him.“Of course I did.”
“What did you find?”she demanded, sitting forward with her eagerness.The move had his arm falling from her shoulders so he resituated it atop the back of her chair.
“Nothing.”Joseph’s jaw clenched again.“They found nothing.She just disappeared.”
“Bullshit.We both know that’s not possible.”
Joseph stared at Ryan with a cold look would have been enough to freeze his bones were it not for the fact Ryan was Alpha of his own domain as well as a decade older than Joseph.
“You think I didn’t look under every fucking stone to find her?That woman was my…” He swallowed.“She haunts my goddamn days and nights.She’s like a living dream I can’t get out from under my skin.There isn’t a day I don’t wake up and don’t think about her.And I haven’t seen her since El was a baby, since she dumped her at the gatehouse to this property and told my guards to give her to me.”
When El gasped, Joseph bit off, “Jessa wasn’t like that.She loved El.The moment she was born, El was her world.I have no idea why she took off the way that she did, but I looked for her anyway.
“ The trail was cold, but then, it would be.She was a Shifter, she knew how to evade humans, and I didn’t have anyone who would even be able to figure out how to track a Shifter.For all I know, she turned into her cat and went off on foot.
“That seemed like the only possibility when there was no sight of her for months.Hell, years.I still check out her Social Security details every year, and they always come up blank.”
“Would you mind giving her information to me?I know your security detail is the best money can find, but as you said, they’re human.”
Joseph clenched his teeth but nodded.“If you find her, I want to know about it.”
“You want her still,” El whispered, the words could have been a question but they weren’t.
“Of course, I do,” Joseph snarled.“She’s my mate.Could you live without him?Could you?”
El blinked.“No.”
Joseph slammed his hand against the desk.“So why would I if I didn’t have to?All these fucking years without her… it’s been a fucking misery.Putting up with Annabel, dealing with her shit, and living without Jessa?”His jaw hardened.“The only thing I knew how to do was hunker down and keep you safe from whatever the fuck she was hiding from.I did that.I know you weren’t happy.I know you thought I was a bastard, but you live without him and see how fucking nice that makes you.”
Ryan narrowed his eyes.“Losing your mate doesn’t justify you treating El like shit.”
“I didn’t.I did the best I could.You ask my sons… they know they’ll never compare to El in my eyes.Don’t you think they hate me and her for that?”He shook his head.“I fucked this up in so many ways that even if Jessa was still alive, which I have no idea if she is or not, but if she was and she saw what I’ve done… she’d probably leave again.”He gulped.“I did what I had to do.”El slumped back in her seat and Ryan let his hand cup the ball of her shoulder, squeezing it gently, letting her know, without words, that he was there for her.
“Don’t you know if she’s alive?Can’t you feel it?”
Joseph sighed.“I wish I did.”
Ryan murmured, “You were with Jessa for how long?”
“Ten months.She fell pregnant quickly.”Joseph’s cheeks turned pink, and the color was a shocking blaze in contrast to his pale pallor.
“Don’t beat yourself up over not knowing.It takes a good year or two for the bond to manifest to the point where you can feel your mate in your bones.And that’s with constant sex and companionship.Distance weakens the bond, but never takes it away.”
Joseph’s mouth formed a grim line.“You’re telling me.”
