‘And Dad still wonders how he didn’t realise I was bi.’ I shook my head, taking a sip of one of the soda cans she found in the staff fridge. Her coffee quickly disappeared when we sat down.
‘When did you know?’ She leaned back in the plastic chair, eyeing me curiously.
‘Seven,' I said, ‘at least, that’s when I learnt the word for it. I was watching TV and someone said it. My dad sat next to me reading the paper, and I turned to him saying,‘bi means you like boys and girls. So that makes me bi then.’
A fond smile twitched at Rosie’s lips. ‘What did he say?’
‘He looked up from his paper with wide eyes and said, ‘yes, I suppose it does, son’.And went back to reading. Sincethen, whenever I’d talk about my crushes at school, he’d ask if there were any boys or girls I liked. He and mum just…accepted it.’
‘You’re lucky.’ An emotion I couldn’t pinpoint coated those words as she spoke.
I nodded firmly. ‘I am.’
I’d been really lucky. Countless stories of people coming out didn’t go as smoothly as mine. It’s a privilege I’d always been grateful for.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table. ‘So, come on, you now know several of my embarrassing stories. Let’s even the playing field. You must have a few embarrassing stories from your childhood.’
Her back stiffened. The change happened so quickly, it caught me off guard. ‘No. I don’t.’
Knowing I needed to tread carefully, and simultaneously eager to know more about this woman, I poked the hornet's nest. ‘I’ve met your mum, but you never mention your dad.’
The ice in her glare could have frozen an entire planet. Blue eyes that had been all ease and happiness moments before went blank.
‘No,’ she repeated, her voice dead. ‘I don’t.’
The casual atmosphere was gone. It was on the tip of my tongue to probe more when she levelled an accusing glare at me.
‘You didn’t tell Oliver we were…’ she trailed off, waving a finger between the two of us. That single motion meant to encompass so much.
Internally, I winced. The guilt had been eating at me for the past few weeks. I swiped a hand down my jaw with a casual shrug. ‘What’s there to tell?’
The second those words left my mouth, I regretted them. Rosie kept her cards close to her chest, letting nothing slip.It’s why her giving away her smiles and laughter so freely felt momentous somehow.
‘You tell him everything,’ she challenged.
That used to be true. Since we were little kids, we’d been glued together. I knew far too much about his life, all the dirty details of his last disastrous relationship. He shared it all. Iusedto do the same.
‘Not everything.’ My lips lifted in a wan smile.
Some of the tightness eased, and she edged forward, folding her arms over her chest and leaning them on the table. ‘We don’t have to continue this,’ she said.
Not expecting that, I frowned. ‘You don’t want to?’
‘I don’t want…’ I gave her a minute to find her words. ‘This feels…fuck.’She lifted two hands in the air, letting them fall back to her lap with a sigh. ‘I don’t know what I’m saying.’
‘I know,’ I breathed.
Her eyes locked with mine, lips flattening as she tried to keep at bay all the nonsensical emotions currently wreaking havoc in her body. Whateverthiswas, that ethereal inexplicable something hovering between us, whatever you called that, it was big.Momentous.
And it felt fucking terrifying.
I’d done this before. Given my heart away, planned a future with someone, and it crumpled quicker than I could blink.
‘What lesson are you calling this?’ She jutted her chin at the empty food containers on the table. ‘The first one was small talk, the second was flirting over text. What’s this one?’
The lessons.Right. Clearing my throat, I sat back. The arm of the chair poked me uncomfortably in the ribs. My thighs too fucking big to be squashed into the seat.
‘This, uh, lesson…’
