I sighed, shovelling a lettuce leaf into my mouth and trying not to grimace. ‘There’s nothing more to say.’
Pulling on a huge blue jumper, Rosie glowered at me through the screen, then stopped short when she noticed what I was eating.
‘What the fuck is that?’
‘Salad.’
Rosie picked up the phone and scooted onto her bed to rest against the headboard. Roxy hopped on the bed and snuggled beside her, sniffing her clothes. Happy they no longer stank of other animals.
‘Why? You don’t eat s-’ Her face fell as realisation dawned. ‘Ah, so when is the big dinner with the family?’
I paused with a forkful halfway to my mouth. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ My stomach soured. I put the fork down and shoved the container away, no longer hungry.
Rosie let out a humourless laugh. ‘You dyed your hair back to blonde, a colour you hated because you said it wasboring, and you’re eating salad as a meal when you literally have a hat that says salad is a side,nota main course. Ergo, you’re seeing your family soon.’
I opened my mouth, but when nothing came out, I snapped it shut.
‘I just can’t handle their comments right now,’ I admitted in a small voice. God, I hated how much they affected me. It was never outright bullying, more like intermittent body shaming disguised as concern; where small comments and insinuations stripped me down. Right now, I was walking a thin line of sanity between trying to find a new job and not ending up homeless. I would do anything to eradicate any areas of my life that could cause my mother and sister to attack.
My hair was a big one. When I was twenty and cut off my long hair, Mum told me my face didn’t suit it being that short and my round face had lost all its definition. My sister went for a direct route and told me the haircut made me look like I’d gained ten pounds. They hated when I dyed it different colours. I was nearly thirty; I needed to be serious. And, in their eyes, being either blonde or brunette was the only marker of a serious person.
Everyone in my family was lean and athletic. Even Dad hadn’t succumbed to the beer belly that most men get when they retire. Maureen Lowell held her appearance in high value. She was in her early sixties, but people often confused her for someone in their forties—a fact she was quick to share whenever it happened. Charlotte was constantly on her feet all day running her restaurant and still found the time to run a half marathon every few months. Evan was the most vain person I had ever met. He spent any time he wasn’t in court or the office, in the gym.
And then, there was me.
Round, curvy, a size eighteen and recently unemployed.
I couldn’t stick out more if I tried.
‘I thought you’d got to a place where they didn’t affect you like this.’ Rosie’s voice turned soft.
I didn’t look at her because I knew. Iknewthe years I’d spent armouring myself against my own family, getting to a place where I was genuinely happy with who I was in all my chaotic glory…that strength was waning.
‘I’m tired. I’m trying so hard to fix the mistakes I’ve made. I just don’t want them shitting on me more than I already am.’
After a while, Rosie nodded solemnly. ‘Your family is a bunch of twats.’
I let out a watery laugh, glancing back at my friend.
‘And you’—Rosie jabbed a finger at the screen violently—‘are the most incredible, fabulous, and sexy bitch ever to walk this earth.’
‘That’s inaccurate, but I appreciate the pep talk.’
We talked more about my encounter with Oliver, as she wanted to know every detail, including what he was wearing, which I remembered with worrying clarity. After another twenty minutes, we hung up, and I went to rinse the bleach out of my hair. Praying that an evening with my family wouldn’t take what little dignity I had left.
12
FALLON
‘Hello, darling. Come in.’ Mum waved me inside, taking me by the shoulders, and air kissed my cheeks. ‘It’s been a while. Has your phone broken?’
I forced a smile to my face. ‘Uh, no. It’s fine.’
Mum smiled serenely, her face flawless with makeup and hair weaved into an updo that would have taken me hours to accomplish. Large bracelets clinked on her wrist as she clasped her hands together in front of her.
‘Then why haven’t you been calling? It’s not like you’ve got a job keeping you busy nowadays.’
She didn’t give me a chance to respond before she spun around and headed through the house to the kitchen. I took a deep breath, slipped off my coat and hung it up on the rack. I’d gone for simple black jeans and a long-sleeved bodysuit. It hugged my figure, making my waist appear more toned than it was. It was my go-to first-date outfit, along with my styled and, frankly, boring blonde hair. I looked good. Ifeltgood.
