My eyes burned with tears I’d been holding back for days. “Then why does it hurt so much?”
“Because you loved him. And because he made you believe he loved you back when he was really just using you.” Her voice was gentle now. “But, honey, love isn’t supposed to hurt like this. Love isn’t supposed to make you question your worth or accept being treated like you’re disposable.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “I know that. Logically, I know that.”
“But your heart’s still catching up to your brain.”
“Something like that.”
“That’s normal. It’s also why you shouldn’t make any big decisions right now. Take your time in Knoxville. Work remotely. Figure out what you want your life to look like without him in it.”
After we hung up, I sat in the gathering darkness of my hotel room and thought about what Priya had said. What did I want my life to look like?
For the past year, every plan I’d made had included Dutch. The trip to the mountains we’d talked about. The possibility of moving in together. Even stupid little things like what to watch on Netflix or where to go for dinner—it had all been “we” instead of “I.”
Now I had to learn how to be just “I” again.
My phone buzzed with another unknown number, and this time I didn’t even look at it. Instead, I turned the phone completely off and shoved it under a pillow.
Tomorrow I’d start making a real plan. Look at apartments in other cities, maybe update my resume, figure out how to extract the rest of my belongings from Millfield without having to see Dutch.
Tonight, I was going to order way too much Chinese food, take a long bath, and watch terrible reality TV until I fell asleep.
It wasn’t much of a life plan, but it was a start.
Chapter 6
?
— Dutch —
“Still nothing on her credit cards,” Glitch said, not looking up from his laptop. “She’s smart. Blocked all of us, isn’t answering unknown numbers. She’s ghosting you hard.”
I paced behind him in the clubhouse tech room, my hands clenched into fists. Ten days. She’d been gone for ten fucking days, and I had nothing to show for it except dead ends and a growing pit in my stomach that felt suspiciously like panic.
“Check again,” I ordered.
“Dutch, I’ve checked twelve times in the last hour. The cards haven’t been used since she bought gas in—”
“Just do it.”
Glitch’s fingers stilled on the keyboard, and he turned to look at me with tired eyes. “When’s the last time you slept? Or ate something that wasn’t liquid?”
“I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine. I hadn’t been fine since I’d seen that security footage of Indira driving away. Since I’d realized she’d left me. My pillow no longer smelled like her jasmine shampoo. Now it just smelled like me—whiskey and desperation.
“You’re not fine. You look like shit, you smell like a distillery, and you’ve been wearing the same clothes for two days.”
I looked down at my jeans and shirt. He was probably right, but I didn’t give a fuck about my appearance right now. “Just run the cards again.”
Glitch sighed but turned back to his computer. “She’s good at staying hidden, I’ll give her that. Hit multiple ATMs around town—looks like she cleaned out her checking and savings accounts, plus took cash advances on her credit cards. Probably walked away with close to three grand in cash. Used cash for everything after that gas station in Boise. Hasn’t posted on social media. Haven’t seen her car on any traffic cameras since she left the interstate.”
Boise. That had been our only lead—a single credit card transaction at a gas station on I-84 East. But that had been nine days ago, and the trail had gone cold after that.
I’d been so sure she was heading to California. Her parents lived there, and her sister Priya was in San Diego. It made sense—she’d run home to family. I’d even sent a couple of prospects down to watch both places, but there’d been no sign of her. Her parents hadn’t seen her. Priya claimed she didn’t know where Indira was, though I wasn’t sure I believed that bitch. She’d never liked me—thought I was too rough around the edges, not good enough for her precious little sister. I’d heard her on calls with Indira, trying to convince her to leave me, telling her she could do better.
But maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised Indira hadn’t gone running home. My woman didn’t like failure. She wasn’t the type to go crawling back to her family with her tail between her legs, admitting she’d been wrong about me. She was too proud for that. Too fucking strong. A queen who didn’t bow to anyone. My hands flexed at my sides, remembering the silk of her hair, the warmth of her skin.
“She could be anywhere by now,” Glitch continued. “Could’ve kept going east instead of turning south. Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia. Hell, she could be in fucking Florida for all we know.”
