"From what you've shared with me about the year—" hestarts, and I squeeze my eyes tight, but focus on grounding myself.
I press my feet into the floor, I feel my hands pressing into my knees, I inhale, hold, exhale.
Dr. Mason continues, "—the walking away when she's trying to speak to you, emotionally withdrawing, physically withdrawing, snapping at her, and even the instance where you yelled at her after your nightmare—it's a pattern of behavior... and I would consider it emotional abuse."
Abuse.
The word is sour, ugly, and it burns to even think about.
Because it's true, and the truth fucking hurts.
Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
"Missing the therapy appointment, especially, seemed to be the final straw for your wife. That's when she started... changing, right?"
I nod, shame flooding my chest.
"She came home from the appointment and I..." I scoff at myself, shaking my head. "I acted like a fucking asshole. I acted like I didn't know where she was."
"Why did you do that?"
Instinct screams at me to deflect, and I tell it to fuck off.
I dive in.
"So I could play dumb instead of having to explain how I missed all the reminders she put in our calendar, and she told me at home before I left for work that morning. I was stressed about it all night, and then when I got into work that morning, I... I deleted the appointment. Like it wasn't there in the first place. I convinced myself it was fine."
Dr. Mason nods encouragingly.
"I just... wanted the problem to disappear," I finish lamely.
"You gaslit her," he observes gently. "You caused her to question her memory, her reality. You took control of the narrative to protect yourself. And when that becomes a pattern, Atlas, it can be dangerous. For her."
My stomach rolls and I try to keep breathing, running myhands through my hair, pulling hard enough to hurt.
Wendy, I'm so sorry, baby. God, I'm so fucking sorry.
"I'm fucking pathetic."
"You're not pathetic, Atlas. What have I told you?"
"To not insult myself," I reply, sheepishly.
"Why?"
"Because it's just a form of self-harm, and self-harm isn't accountability."
He nods.
"I didn't mean to hurt her."
"I know," Dr. Mason nods, his voice gentle. "But your impact matters more than your intentions. The pattern of behavior, the choices you made, did harm her. They harmed her enough that she wants to leave you because of it."
The damned document flashes in my mind, the words taunting me.
PETITION FOR LEGAL SEPARATION
Petitioner alleges that the marriage has suffered an irretrievable breakdown due to the following ongoing conduct by Respondent.
