It's a balance, it's a partnership, and I think my wife and I have truly become stronger not only in our marriage but also as parents.
It also helps that we have a whole village willing to help us.
Silas is sitting on the deck with Dad, Trace, and Trey, all laughing and clinking their beer bottles together. Mom steps out the back door of the house, Molly and Jem trailing after her and chatting a mile a minute with Taylor and Bonnie.
But it's only when my wife steps outside that everything inside me truly settles. All the chaos fades as she centers me completely.
The bright afternoon sunlight catches her hair, turning it into a flame fluttering in the breeze. She's wearing a sweet little yellow sundress that's got my blood singing, and that I'm very much looking forward to peeling off of her later.
Absentmindedly, her hand rests on her bump, and I feel a primal pride. Seeing my mark on her, proof we're bound together, just gets me.
She's about four months along, almost halfway through, and our baby girl is due in October.
Wendy surprised me back in March. The boys went to their grandparents—Liam driving his new/old SUV I worked on—so we could have a night in.
We did this every once in a while, making time for ourmarriage and spending time together without the kids, so I didn't suspect anything until Wendy greeted me by the door with a big smile.
"Hi, beautiful," I said, dropping my bag so that I could sweep her up and kiss her. When I pulled back to study her, she seemed to glow, radiating happiness from within.
Then she reached into her pocket and produced a baggie with three pregnancy tests—all positive.
My heart stopped dead in my chest before kicking up again and slamming against my ribs. I glanced back and forth between her and the tests, hope welling up inside of me.
About two years ago, we had talked about having another baby.
My schedule was more balanced at the garage; Wendy was still working part-time; her body had fully healed from the accident; the boys were more self-sufficient; our cash flow was fantastic; and we had a spare bedroom that I know my wife wanted to turn into a nursery.
We didn't do anything to hinder a baby, but at Wendy's yearly OBGYN appointment, they said it's a little more difficult for women to conceive after thirty-five.
Watching some hope die in my wife's eyes after hearing that broke something inside of me. I know she wasn't unhappy, I know she loved the boys so much, but I also know that sometimes it really fucking sucks to realize your dreams have to remain dreams.
But sometimes, life just happens when you least expect it.
"Yeah?" I asked through a tight throat.
"Yeah," she laughed, her eyes shimmering with happy tears. "I'm pregnant."
Without another word, I promptly swept up my wife in my arms and brought her upstairs to our bedroom to celebrate.
A baby. A new little life.
Another precious little being that's half Wendy.
A month later, we found out it was a girl, and Wendy cried happy tears in the car, clutching onto me. I was over the moon,but I knew Wendy had always wanted a little girl after being surrounded by boys for so long. She would get her fix through Molly and Jem, but it wasn't the same as us having a baby girl of our own.
Now our family would be complete.
As I think about life now, I also think about where I could be if Wendy had not filed those papers and woken my ass up.
Alone. Miserable.
Drowning in my own thoughts and fear.
Seeing my kids only on the weekends.
Seeing Wendy fall in love with someone else.
The nightmares are less frequent these days, but that potential future appears in them sometimes.
