"I don't know,” I admit with a grimace. “I like everyone who works there. The people in this town make the job easy, but I love doing the numbers more. I like the quiet of the office and the peace of the routine, so I think I'm going to decline."
"You have to do what you like," Dr. Pace nods. "I'm happy you're not feeling guilty for wanting to say no."
I smile at the acknowledgement that I am working on my guilt, that I don't let it run my life and sit in it until it turns everything sour.
When Mabel first approached me with that offer, I was going to say yes because saying no could hurt Mabel's feelings or put her in a bad position if she wanted to hire a manager immediately.
But, I'm done twisting myself into a pretzel to cater to someone else's needs.
There needs to be a balance, and for too long the scale has been tipped in the other direction. I've found that speaking up for myself can only incur good things in return.
While the guilt still churns in my stomach, I think of the potential future if I don't stand up for myself and enable bad behavior. It looks like what I just battled out of with my husband.
Never again.
"Me too."
Dr. Pace makes a note, "How are the kids?"
Pride swells in my chest as I think about the last month.
"Noah's art is going to be featured in a national magazine for youth artists, and he's bouncing off the walls about it. Atlas bought a nice frame for it to hang in the house."
Dr. Pace smiles at that, remembering me talking about when Atlas ignored Noah's last big accomplishment. When Noah showed Atlas, he had picked him up and spun our giggling boy around as we celebrated him.
"And Liam?"
"Liam's team won their championship, and he was named MVP," I grin. "And he's dating his best friend, Birdie."
"Ah, young love," Dr. Pace laughs, gesturing to me. "You know a thing or two about that."
"And weexplicitlytold them that we are happy for them, we support their relationship, but to please take thingsslow,"I say, before adding. "I know we sound like hypocrites, but Atlas and I understand we're the exception of teen pregnancy, not the rule."
Dr. Pace tilts her head, "And Atlas?"
The smile stretches across my face and I can even feel my cheeks heating as I tell her, "Taking it slow, but..."
Dr. Pace raises an eyebrow, encouraging me to continue. "But..."
"I want him to move back in."
"Have you told him that?"
"Not yet," I shake my head. "We've been... we just want to be careful. Everything feels kind of delicate now. Like one wrong move might trigger a collapse."
"It's good to be careful," Dr. Pace says, leaning forward. "Do you feel ready for him to move back in?"
"Yes, I'm just... it'll be a change. Even from before... that year. Things are going to feel different."
"Change can be scary and deeply uncomfortable. But..."
I smile, thinking back to one of her mantras that has really helped me.
"Discomfort is necessary for growth."
"Which is annoying, but true."
I nod, feeling that itchy feeling creeping up my back. Dr. Pace doesn't miss this; she rarely misses anything.
