I wasted so much time. I lost an entire year with my Wendybecause I was scared, and what if she had died? I cannot control everything through my fear. I know that now, so what if she had passed away thinking that I wasn't in love with her anymore, or that I was cheating on her, or that I didn't want her when it's the furthest goddamn thing from the truth.
That's what I should be focusing on—not the potential of it being our last day together, but living each day as if it is our last.
Making sure it's known how much I love her, how wonderful and beautiful her soul is. Every single second of every day, she will never doubt how much I love her.
So, when that horrible time comes, if she goes first, or I do, I will have no regrets.
And neither will she.
Morris seems to see my train of thought because he smiles and nods knowingly.
"I miss her, but I know I'll see her soon—and I know that I gave her joy at every opportunity I could."
I cross my arms and ask him, genuinely curious.
"How did you do that?"
"I treated every day like there were other men waiting in the wings for me to stumble," he smiles, glancing over to me. "So, I never did. I wined and dined and wooed my woman; I told her my feelings straight from my heart. I never lied to her. I brought her wildflowers because she loved them. I rubbed her feet after she had a long day. I kissed her like every one was the last, because it could very well be. I loved my Ronnie and made sure she knew every single day."
Date each other.
I smile, thinking back to the dinner we shared the other night after couples therapy last week.
Just us, in Antonia's, and even though it was so busy, it felt like it was just us there. She ordered her food, and I ordered mine, and we spoke about everything and nothing.
Even when we didn't speak, our silences weren't tense. I was just happy to be with my wife.
"I know you get annoyed when I bring this car in, but this car...afterI removed my head from my ass, I took Ronnie out on dates in this car. We would go parking and..." Morris grins slyly at me, making me laugh.
"Drive-in movies, picnics, road trips to the beach. Like we were teenagers again, just me and my girl. When I look at this car, I think of those memories. And I won't let go of them."
His words strike me as I look at the car. A hunk of junk, I had called it earlier, but it holds so much meaning for Morris.
That settles it, I don't care if this car is on its last legs, I'm bringing it back to life.
For Morris, for Ronnie...
...and for my Wendy.
"Alright, let's take a look..." I say, stepping under the car and groaning at what I see. “Oh, good lord…”
Morris barks a laugh, and as he steps toward the exit, he calls over his shoulder.
"Get to work, boy."
???
"Hello?"
She sounds breathless, and I wince, wondering if this is a bad time.
It's after six, the shop is closed, and everyone has already gone home. I've been in my office for the past twenty minutes trying to find the courage to ask and the words to say.
I figured now would be a good time—Liam and Noah don't have basketball or art tonight, and I know Wendy was off from work today, so they’re probably cleaning up from dinner.
"...Atlas, are you there? Are you okay?"
I clear my throat when I realize I haven't responded yet.
