I cough to hide a laugh. Liam, of course, doesn’t let it go.
“You sure that’s all that happened?” he says, pointing between us. “Because I’m getting a vibe.”
“A vibe,” I repeat, dryly.
“Uh-huh,” he says, clearly proud of his drunken intuition. “Like a sizzling, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other vibe. Just saying.”
“You’re literally clutching a bag of Doritos like it’s your emotional support animal,” I tell him. “Maybe your vibe detector’s a little off.”
He blinks at the bag. “That’s rude. Kevin has feelings.”
Ashsnorts.
Liam stares at us, a little too long. Then squints at Ash, then at me. Then back at Ash.
“You’re not sleeping together, are you?” he blurts.
I choke on air. “What?!”
Ash blinks like he didn’t hear him right. “Excuse me?”
“I’m just saying,” Liam goes on, waving his beer lazily, “it would seriously fry my brain if you two were actually doing it.”
I press a hand to my face. “Please stop talking.”
“No, no, hear me out,” he insists, standing up straighter like he’s about to present the most important theory of his life. “Picture this—my best friend. My baby sister. Naked. Together.” He shudders theatrically. “It’s like my personal horror movie.”
“Liam,” I groan. “Your imagination is out of control.”
“It’s not! But the thought of you two is seriously traumatizing!” he says, pointing at Ash. “This man used to pee in bottles on tour buses. And now he’s marrying my sister.”
“It’s not a real marriage,” I mutter.
Ash rubs a hand over his face. “Can we not discuss my bathroom habits?”
But Liam’s on a roll now. “You know, if youweretogether for real… that would be, like, the ultimate betrayal. Friends don’t bone each other’s sisters.”
I flush from the neck up. “Okay, new topic. Literally anything else.”
“No no, I’m serious,” Liam slurs. “Can you imagine? The two of you, sneaking around behind my back, doing God-knows-what while I sit here, oblivious, just drinking my beer…”
Ash grabs a pillow and hurls it at Liam’s face.
It hits him squarely. He flails, laughing. “HEY!”
“That’s for your imagination,” Ash says dryly.
Liam laughs harder. “Okay, okay. I’m done. Just had to get it out of my system.”
“Thank God,” I mutter, heart still pounding.
He goes back to rummaging with a satisfied sigh. “Still. If youwereinto each other, I’d find out. I’ve got a sixth sense for that kind of thing.”
“Right,” I say, smiling tightly. “Like the time you thought I was dating the UPS guy because he remembered my name.”
“He was suspicious,” Liam says defensively. “Too many packages.”
And just like that, Liam’s attention shifts back to the kitchen with the intensity of a toddler discovering cake. “I need hummus. Do we have hummus?”
