“To take the weight off my fat ankles,” she calls back at me, holding her middle finger up over her shoulder.
“Sorry, I didn’t expect you to be in here.” I pause in the doorway when I see her lying in my bathtub; hair pinned up, surrounded by bubbles.
“I’m just having a soak, it's not easy carrying your baggage around all day,” she reminds me as I step forward and admire how her tummy pokes up through the bubbles.
“Do you think it’s appropriate to refer to the next Duke of Fairfax as baggage?” I tease, pumping my hand full of my soap.
“Well, have you thought of any names?” she asks as I take her foot in my hand and start soaping it.
“I’ve thought of plenty, but you’ll probably hate them.” I shrug, sliding my fingers through her toes to stretch them out.
“What does it matter what I think?” She giggles, having no idea how much it hurts every time she reminds me that a day will come when she’ll be gone.
“You're bringing him into the world; I think that deserves a say in what he gets called for the rest of his life.”
“Jack, you really need to stop the wholeheandhimthing. I’m actually starting to think there's a girl in there.” I can tell bythe way she smiles that she likes the idea. “I don’t know why you didn’t take Dr. Stratton up on her offer at the last ultrasound, so you could find out for sure.”
“I don’t need confirmation. There's a boy in there. A strong, healthy, and handsome boy like his father.” I spread some bubbles over her stomach as I stroke it.
“And what if you're wrong, what if your little duke turns out to be a little duchess?”
“Then she’ll be spoilt, but locked in a tower away from any boys until she’s forty and ready to join the convent.” I reach my head down to talk to her stomach, making sure that if she is a she, we have an understanding. Instead of laughing, Gracie looks concerned.
“I am, of course, joking. I’m not really going to lock her in a tower. But sheisbecoming a nun.” I massage more soap into her skin, lathering up her calf, then her thighs, and the satisfied purr she makes as she rests her head back, and takes comfort in it, makes me feel so fucking contented that I could stay here with her for hours. That smile sets on her lips, and when she glances down at her tummy, I know exactly why.
“Is our little nun stirring?” I ask, placing my hand under her belly button, hoping I get to feel for myself.
“Yes,” She takes my hand, sliding it a little to the right. “Can you feel?” She stares at me while I concentrate on feeling just the slightest of motion.
“Nothing, guess I must scare her.”
“Actually, she loves hearing your voice. She’s most active when you're around,” she assures me.
“Well, that's good to know.” I smile back and get back to cleaning her body.
“Do you ever wonder who he or she will look like?” she asks, her hand still casually stroking her tummy.
“All the time. If itisa girl, I sure hope she looks like you.” I laugh, and when she only gives a half smile in response, I wonder if there’s something on her mind.
“She could end up looking like your mum; maybe you could name her after her. What was her name?”
“Lily,” I answer, not feeling entirely comfortable where this is going. I’ve made it clear, on more than one occasion, that I don’t like talking about her.
“That’s a pretty name. I like it.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a shame it’s a boy in there because he isnotbeing called Lily.” I pat her tummy and stand back on my feet, heading to my dresser to put some sweats on, and hoping we can avoid the conversation.
“You can talk to me, you know.” I hear the water swish as she stands up in the tub, her beautiful pregnant body, bare and blooming in front of me.
“I know whatever happened to her haunts you; maybe if you opened up about it, you’d feel better.” Despite wanting to avoid her, I step up and offer her my hand so she can step out onto the bath mat safely. Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around her chest.
“I don’t need to talk about it; it happened a long time ago. I’m over it.” I try to convince her with a smile.
“Jack, I know from experience that you don’t get over losing your mum. I really want to help.”
“You are helping.” I look down to where she’s growing our child. I didn’t realise until we got into this, what an incredible thing it is for a woman to do.
“You know everything about me, Jack. I’ve never hidden who I am or what I've been through from you. Before all this, I would never have believed I’d open up that way. Sometimes, letting go of those secrets makes you feel better. Think about it.” She smiles sadly as she reaches up on her toes and kisses mycheek. “Goodnight, Jack,” she whispers, tucking in her towel and leaving me alone with those secrets.
