“Oh, Haven. I don’t—”
“You said you wanted to help me.” My chest tightens.
“Haven, you have to understand…”
When he reaches for me again, I jerk away. “Please. You said you wanted to help in any way you could.”
“I do, but Haven…”
My heart constricting, an icy tear escapes and slides down the side of my face. I can only stare at him, wishing he could feel the immense sadness I do and understand just how much my father means to me. He’s everything.
After a long moment, Avrum sighs. “I will. I will do it… for you.”
“Thank you.” I sniff and wipe my wet eyes with the back of my hand. “Thank you.”
Avrum looks down at me, but his expression remains grave, his gaze heavy. It’s then that the seriousness of everything I’m asking from him strikes me. He could be killed for this. We all could. I may have a real reason to risk my life, but he doesn’t. He has a good life here with his lord, but he’s willing to throw that all away for me?
Heart hammering behind my ribs, my eyes roam over his face, seeing him—really seeing him—for the first time. I lean in closer, until our bodies are merely breaths apart.
“This means a lot to you, so I will do it,” Avrum says, his voice no louder than a whisper.
My chin lifts, my gaze focusing on his full lips. I want to tell him that this means more to me than he could possibly imagine, but any words become lost on my tongue. I’m swept away by the thought of kissing him, of finally feeling him move against me as he draws me in close.
There’s a deep longing in his eyes and suddenly, a strong hand comes up and takes me by the chin. I gasp, but it’s quieted by his mouth pressing against mine.
I all but melt into him, my body reacting without my permission and pressing firmly against him. His other arm comes up and wraps around my back, cradling me.
For once, I’m not afraid. I’m not being controlled or forced. My heart is beating so rapidly, it’s like it’s about to burst out of my chest. Energy buzzes over my skin and spreads warmth over every inch of me. This feeling is new. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and, to my own surprise, I like it.
My lips part on their own. In my head, I beg him for more. Ineedmore.
But, before I can deepen the kiss, he steps away, his hands falling from me. That soothing warmth gone.
I almost whimper out loud as that foreign feeling drains from me, and I’m swept up again in the bitter chill of the room.
Nervously, Avrum’s gaze drops to the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he mutters over and over. “I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t—” He stops abruptly, eyes wide, and then rubs his lips together. I wonder if they’re tingling like mine from that kiss. “I never want you to feel like I’m forcing anything upon you. I would never—”
“I know you wouldn’t,” I assure him.
He shuffles to the door. “I should go…” But the look on his face tells me that’s the last thing he wants to do. “I will deliver the message to your father tonight, as you asked.”
I follow, not wanting him to leave, but at the same time wanting him to bring word about my father as soon as possible. “Will you come back and tell me what he says?”
Nodding, he grabs the door’s handle. “I will.”
As he steps into the hall, all the unsaid words I long to say rush forward. I want to tell him that I’d been wrong to think he’s just like Henri, that he’s a monster.
I want to tell him that his kiss hadn’t scared me at all, that it had left me breathless.
I want to tell him thank you for everything he’s doing to help me, and that I wish he wouldn’t leave me now.
I long to say all of this, but for some reason, I can’t form a sound. Instead, I say nothing as he leaves my room.
Once the door locks again, I cross the empty bedroom and sit on the edge of my bed. I press a fist to the center of my chest to soothe the aching pain that has started to grow there.
He will come back to me soon. He will come back.
Hours pass. Outside, thick snowflakes stick to the manor grounds and to the bare branches of the oak trees. The clouds are too thick to reveal the early morning sun, but light still touches the earth andmakes everything glow an eerie white. I pull the curtains closed, not able to stare out the window a moment longer.
