As Scott reached for his shirt buttons, Joe sat down on the room’s only chair. Taking the letter out of his pocket, he placed it on the desk in front of him. It was time to get serious.
* * * * *
Scott froze when he saw his letter on the table.
For some reason, he hadn’t expected Joe to bring it with him. Once the letter had left his possession, Scott hadn’t anticipated ever seeing it again. Its appearance made his throat turn dry. He tried to swallow and almost choked on the attempt.
“Forgotten something?”
Scott’s attention snapped back to Joe, who looked pointedly at Scott’s underwear.
There was no practical need to remove his boxers, the rain hadn’t actually soaked through his trousers enough to make them soggy; but Joe commanded, and Scott obeyed. If Joe wanted him naked in his office, that’s what he’d get.
“Good boy.”
Those two little words made the chilly air worth every shiver.
Suddenly, Joe stood up and took his jacket off the back of the chair.
“You’re l-l-leaving?” No! Joe couldn’t just walk out. Scott instinctively stepped in front of the door, even though he knewin his heart that it wouldn’t do any good. A single order would easily clear Joe’s path.
Completely ignoring the door, Joe walked over to the radiator where Scott had draped his clothes, and dropped his jacket on the floor at its base. “Kneel there. You’ll be warmer.”
Returning to the desk, Joe picked up the chair and carried it over to the same corner of the room. The moment he sat down, Scott rushed over to kneel at his feet.
Joe’s jacket was padded to offer protection on his bike. It was also well worn. Scott ran his fingers over the edge as he shifted his weight and sat back on his heels. One day he was going to be in Joe’s life for that long—for the kind of time it took to become moulded to someone’s shape and be completely comfortable for him.
Scott’s thoughts scattered when Joe reached out and ran his fingers through his wet hair.
“If I thought you could get through it without a panic attack, I’d order you to read this to me,” Joe said, tapping the envelope on his knee. His smile let Scott know he was only teasing.
At that point, Scott felt his body take over and push aside all the nice sensible things his mind had to say on the matter. He reached out and took hold of the letter.
“Let me r-read it, sir?”
If Joe wanted it read aloud, Scott would do his very best to make that happen. It was only a formality anyway; Joe had obviously read it before coming there. Scott wouldn’t be telling him anything he didn’t already know. There was no reason to be scared.
Joe seemed to have to think about it for an unexpectedly long time before he finally handed the letter over. “Word for word,” Joe ordered.
Scott nodded. Of course he knew he’d babbled a lot, but truth be told, he needed to know the specifics of what he’d written just as much as he needed to please Joe by reading it out loud. He’d been in no condition to create a concrete memory of its contents when he wrote it.
Scott took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Naked at Joe’s feet, he ran his eyes over the first few lines of the letter. Then, he started to read…
Dear Sir,
Thank you. I have to say that first. I have to say thank you for everything that’s happened between us over the last few months. I’ve enjoyed every moment we’ve spent together. I never imagined when I first met you that I’d ever be lucky enough to get a date with you, let alone that we’d get to know each other so well…so intimately.
You asked me before if money is important to me. It’s not.
You also mentioned other men. I don’t know how to explain to you just how relieved I was to hear you say that you wouldn’t want either of us to be involved with other guys. But, if I’m going to be as honest as I promised myself I would be while writing this letter, I’d have accepted having to share you with other men. If that’s what it took to remain part of your life, it would have been worth it. I’d have hated having to let other men use me, but I’d probably have gone along with that, too.
Anything that kept me in your life would have been worth it.
Scott paused, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up to see the expression on Joe’s face. He’d felt a burning need to be accepted by Joe for almost as long as he could remember; now, it was a raging inferno. If he laid himself open and vulnerable, and Joe laughed at him and told him he was an idiot, then—
Scott gulped in some air and hurriedly resumed reading, before he completely lost his courage.
I guess I don’t have to tell you what I’m really afraid of now. It’s probably obvious. It’s not being broke, or being cheated on. I’m terrified of letting you all the way into my life because, if you walked away, I don’t know how I’d ever fill the gap you left in your wake.
