When he looked over his shoulder and met his father’s eyes, he saw all of his humour with the situation reflected back at him.
“They seemed like…nice boys?”his father hazarded after a few moments.
Marrick nodded, turning his gaze back to his bike.
“Still determined to squeeze everything you can out of life?”his dad asked a moment later.
“I promised.”Marrick hadn’t even realised that the words were in his head, let alone that he was about to say them out loud, but they were suddenly there.He’d promised.
When he made the mistake of closing his eyes for a moment, it all came flooding back to him.The smell of the hospital was all around him, clinging to him in a way he’d never be able to wash off.Marrick quickly forced his eyes open, forced the memories away.But the fact still remained, he’d promised.
If he got to have a life, he wouldn’t waste a moment of it.No decades spent miserable in a job he hated.No letting fear stop him trying anything and everything once.No ties, no repeat performances.And no one who’d get in the way of him squeezing every little thing he could from his life, either.
“There’s living a life not restrained by fear, and there’s acting like a suicidal little fool.Which do you think playing with lions should be considered?”his father asked.
Marrick took a deep breath and let it out very slowly.“It’s not like it sounds.They’re just…not used to humans.I don’t think they really understand the way we work.”They sure as hell hadn’t understood what it was considered appropriate to say, or not to say, in front of his parents.
His father made a non-committal sound.
“Look on the bright side,” Marrick said, his eyes fixed firmly on the bike wheel.“At least, you don’t have to worry there’ll be any cubs coming along any time soon.”
“Your mother’s still worried about you.”
Marrick swallowed.“She doesn’t need to be.”
“I think it comes with the job.Parents worry about their children, mothers and fathers.That’s just the way the world works.”
Marrick hesitated.These types of conversations always took the same route.It didn’t matter if it was after he’d had a rough day at school or if he was fixing his bike in the middle of the night.His father came to him and said his mother was worried.Admitting she wasn’t the only parent with concerns was new.
“I’m fine.So’s my bike.”Marrick spun the wheel around.But he didn’t rise from his position kneeling in front of the bike.He still had no idea what to say about it all, had no idea what to think about it all either.He rubbed his hand through his hair, but that didn’t make his brain work any better.
“She wasn’t fussing when she said you looked tired when you came home.”
Marrick never had been very good at lying to either of his parents.He doubted he had the energy to pull off any sort of attempt at it right then.“I’ll make sure I get more sleep,” he offered, wishing he had some idea how to do that.
His father didn’t sound very convinced, but he murmured that he’d heard.“How’s work going?”
Marrick breathed a sigh of relief as he realised all the questions he’d been dreading weren’t going to be asked.“It’s good.”
“The same job for, what is it now, a whole three months—does that make it an official record?”
“It’ll do until something else comes along.I won’t say no if something different is offered up,” Marrick said quickly.
“Even though you really love what you’re doing now.”
Marrick shrugged.“Isn’t there some saying about people always regretting the opportunities they didn’t take far more than the mistakes they made?”
“Probably, there’s a saying for everything.There’s probably one that means there’s no shame in telling your family if you get yourself out of your depth and you need their help.”
Marrick shook his head.“They’re not a problem.Like you said, they’re nice guys.”Maybe even the kind of guys who would tempt him to stay put with the same partners for longer than he really should if he was serious about keeping the promise he made to himself.
“It’s your life, and I know better than to tell you what to do.But I can’t help noticing you’ve been as miserable as sin since you came home.The only time I’ve actually seen you look alive is when they dropped by for a visit.”
Marrick couldn’t meet his dad’s eyes.As much as he wished he could call it a lie, it had been the only time he’d felt alive, too.
“There are worse things to miss out on than variety,” his father mentioned, almost casually, as he patted him on the shoulder and left the room.
Marrick nodded his understanding.Part of him really wanted to believe that he was home, surrounded by safety and comfort, and all he had to do was stay there for everything to be fine.
