Vaasa shook her head, falling into the same wretched version of herself who could tell a part truth and call it whole. “It is whatIwanted, Roman. I wanted my freedom. I wanted my life back. I wanted Dominik to pay for each time he took something from me, and I was willing to trade anything to get it. To manipulate Reid, if that’s what it took.”
Truth. That had been exactly the place she’d started in when Reid had brought her back from Dihrah.
“And what did that manipulation entail?” Roman demanded.
Bold—he was so very bold. She pulled the blankets further up her body and basked in the seed of rage simmering in her gut. His words reminded her of Lord Vlacik and the claims he’d made about her, of the things she knew they called her behind closed doors.An Icrurian’s whore.Her competence would always be reduced to this: The world could not imagine a woman clever enough to outsmart a man, so they simply labeled her a temptress. “Are you asking if I fucked him to get what I wanted?If I let him play out his little fantasies so he would start a war for me?”
Roman’s jaw flickered with anger. “I suppose I am.”
“No,” she snapped. “I didn’t have to do a damn thing to convince Reid of Mireh to attack the border. Dominik and Ozik did all the work for me. But I suppose I should be flattered you think I’m a good enough fuck to incite a war.”
Roman’s eyes caught fire, but he seemed to notice the deep insult that had elicited her poison and reined in whatever response he’d conjured in his mind. “Vaasa, I never should have said that, I—”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” she seethed. “The Icrurians never would have crossed the border if Dominik and Ozik hadn’t stoked a rebellion and tried to murder the major leaders of every city-state. My brother caused this war, and it had nothing to do with whose bed I was sold off to.”
He was more tense than she had ever seen him. Yet his shoulders fell, breath coming back to him. “You’re right.”
“I know.”
He hung his head. “You were always smarter than Dominik. Always a better choice to lead.”
“Yet I still need a husband to do so.”
He shifted his weight, still standing near the fireplace a few paces away from her. “And that’s not what you want? To marry?”
There was a part of Vaasa that wanted so badly for Roman to be on her side. It thrummed in her chest, that wretched hope. But though she had wanted to trust him, to take a chance, she was not naive enough to let it come at the expense of her freedom. “No. I want the throne I sold my soul for—not because some husband is too stupid to outwit me, but because it has always belonged to me.”
As she said the words, she realized there was truth woven into them. There was a part of her thatdidwant the Asteryan throne.Shedidbelieve it belonged to her now, that she had sold her soul a thousand times over each time she learned a new language only for her father to bring those people to their knees. She had lied because of it, betrayed her own heart because of it, killed her brother because of it. But it did not belong to her just for the things she had done—it was for the things that had been done to her.
“They took everything from me,” she hissed. Rage, authentic in its origin, spewed from her. “First they took you, then my mother, then they sold me off for bags of salt. So I want the throne because I have sacrificed enough for it, and I will not stop until it is mine.”
Until I have torn it apart, and it can take no more from anyone else.
Roman squared his shoulders, lifting his chin and inspecting her face for any sign of mistruth. He wouldn’t find it. Her confession held too much honesty, even if an omission lived between the words. Resolution crossed his mouth in the form of a firm line. He stepped forward and sank to his knees again, this time closer to her. Tentatively, he reached out, fingers extended and brushing softly along her cheek. She tried to look away, but his hand slipped behind her neck and his thumb held her jaw, forcing her to meet his eyes. The brown of them burned.
“I never should have spoken to you that way. I’m sorry.”
She wanted to forgive him—that was the worst part. “Don’t do it again,” she whispered.
“I won’t.” He pushed a strand of her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. His hand hovered there, still holding her cheek, though less forceful now. “I must be the one person you don’t lie to. Promise me that, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”
It was a dangerous line to walk, a terrible tearing of her soul, but she needed access to Amalie more than she needed anythingelse. If Vaasa could find a way to get to Amalie, she could begin plotting an escape.
The lie slipped out as naturally as breathing. “I promise.”
This place did not breed honesty. She had been born into lies. And anyway, secrets were what her relationship with Roman was built upon.
“You want to see your friend?” he asked. “You believe it’s a risk worth taking?”
She nodded silently.
“All right. On a clear night, I’ll take you.” Roman looked around the empty room. “I should go. I’ve already stayed too long. Will you be able to sleep?”
“Yes,” Vaasa said. “Thank you.”
His touch slid from her cheek. Roman stood from his place on her floor and walked to the entrance of the quarters, looking over his shoulder at her. His hand hovered over the doorknob.
“What is it?” Vaasa asked.
