There’s a long pause, and then, he says, “I want you to know me, too.”
“Oh. O-okay. Thank you for telling me that,” I tell him earnestly, feeling much better knowing something so deep about him. My fingers hurt from wringing them together so much, but it’s the only thing I have at the moment, and it’s better than nothing. This is new territory, and I should be terrified revealing this much about myself to this man—the man who has blatantly been stalking me—but something is telling me to take the leap.
“Okay… so my parents are like, super religious, right? I know I already told you that. And they think the way you’d think they would, too—very conservative and strict. It’s why I left… I just couldn’t take it anymore. But not only that, I don’t think I would’ve made it out alive if I would have stayed… just with who they are and how they think. It wouldn’t have worked. Not only that, but as I started to grow up, I realized I thought and felt way differently than them, and things started to shift pretty quickly.
“Leaving was hard—probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do—but I did it.” I take a deep, solidifying breath and let it fill my lungs for a moment. “I did it. And now, here I am. I’m in school, I have awesome roommates, which I don’t know how I got lucky on that front, but I did. And I’m… I think…” I take a shaky breath. “I think I’m okay. That this is okay.”
I don’t mean to say that. But I do. And I regret it, but it’s too late.
“This is okay?” Cedrick asks, and I gulp.
“I don’t…”
“It’s okay, little mouse. We’ll take this as fast or as slow as you want it.”
“We will?” I ask tepidly.
“Whatever you want, darlin’.”
“Thank you…” It feels weird to thank my stalker, but it also feels right.
This feels right.
And I think I’m tired of fighting it.
It’s nearly midnight,and Cedrick and I are talking on the phoneagain,just like we have every night for the last two weeks.
“You wanna what?” Cedrick asks, and I flush hotter as I pull the phone away from my face and run my fingers through my long hair. It’s grown out over these last few weeks, and it’s in my face as it hangs over.
“Never mind,” I mutter, regretting bringing it up already. Maybe it’s too early for that. Maybe he’s not ready for this. I’m not sure I even am…
I don’t know what I was thinking.
“No, no. Tell me again.”
“No,” I mutter, feeling embarrassed. I stare at the wall in front of me, hating that he can see me like this but loving it just the same.
“Yes.”
“No, Cedrick,” I argue, wanting to just end this conversation. It was stupid. I don’t know what was going through my head…
“Madison,” he demands, and I still. “Ask me again.”
I gulp. Choke on the beat of my heart. “D-do you want to m-meet somewhere?” I ask again, feeling even less sure of myself this time around.
I’m not even sure I meant to say it before. It kind of just came out, but now that I’ve said it, I think I mean it.
I do want to see him… but do I want him to see me again?
“B-but it has t-to be-be somewhere public,” I add the addendum quickly.
“Yes,” he agrees easily, and I balk.Just like that?
“R-really?”
“Madison…” he drawls, and I shiver despite my nerves. “I’ve been dying to see you again. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
I glance around my room, knowing he’s watching me at this moment and reveling in it.It makes me feel powerful.“Anything?”
