She doesn’t deserve to have space in my mind, but it seems I don’t have a choice in the matter.
By the time I’m stepping out of the shower, my body is heavy with fatigue, and I barely make it to Kane’s room before I’m falling onto his bed in a pile of limbs.
“Tired?” he asks fondly, and I nod, wet hair dragging against the blanket as I do. “Get some sleep, Madi. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“You sure?” I ask, blinking heavily through the grogginess,and I feel him nod from behind me. His body heat is warm, and I lean back into it, grateful I’m not alone.
I don’t think I could stand to be alone right now.
“Sweet dreams,” he says, and my eyes snap open for a few minutes of swirling thoughts before eventually, sleep takes its plunge.
I blink through the grogginess,feeling heavy in more ways than one—and that’s when I realize Kane’s arm is wrapped around my waist, not holding me tight but just holding me. And it’s… nice.
I’ve never slept with someone like this before.
“So, do you want to tell me what happened?”
Anddd, there goes that.
I tense from head to toe, and Kane feels it because he tightens his arm around my waist.
“Look, you don’t have to, but I think it might be good for you. And I’m here for you, Madison. As a friend, of course,” he clarifies, then clears his throat.
I stare at the wall in front of me, and for some reason, with his touch but not his eyes, I find it easy to let the words fall from my lips.
Every thought I had last night in the car, on the way home and when I parked, spills from my lips in a sinful confession. One I never thought I’d make but one that feels necessary.
Kane doesn’t say a word. He just listens as I cry over the hate I’ve experienced, the conflicting emotions I have—thataren’t really that conflicting because I don’t believe the hate; I just keep fuckinghearing it in my head.
By the time I’ve explained my parents and their bullshit and what happened with Cedrick the previous night, I feel just as exhausted as I did before I went to sleep.
“Can I tell you something?” he says after a long while of mutual silence. His arm is still wrapped around me—he hasn’t moved this entire time—and it’s been at least an hour or so, and I’ve never been more grateful.
“Of course,” I croak through a hoarse throat.
“You already know who you are, Mads. You know what hate is. You know you don’t stand for it. It makes you sick to even think about, right?”
I swallow as I process his words, unsure where this is going. “R-right.”
“So, maybe you just need to tell them.”
I stop breathing for a few heavy beats of my heart. “What?” I ask, unsure I heard him right.
“I think maybe what you’re hearing in your head is what you imagine your mother saying to you if you ever told her. Am I right?”
I swallow thickly as the tears burn. “Y-y-y-es.”
“Do you think if you told them and heard what they really had to say, it would shatter that illusion? Maybe they’d be more accepting. Maybe they wouldn’t. But at least you’d know, and your mind wouldn’t have to make up scenarios.”
“Oh… I never…” I blink rapidly a few times as I think about it. “I never thought about that.”
“Just an idea…” he trails off, squeezing my waist, and I flush hotly but gratefully as I lean into his touch.
“No…” I nod a few times, feeling a sense of resolve settle in my bones. “It’s actually a really good idea, Kane. Seriously, thank you. I’ll think about it. And thank you for listening to me. It’s… it’s helped me more than you know.”
“Of course, Mads. That’s what friends are for.” Kane drops his head down to rest against mine, and I close my eyes to breathe softly, just enjoying this moment of peace I feel with my friend.
And that’s when I hear someone shout, followed by a bang. Then, there’s more shouting. A closer bang that makes me jerk.
