Oh, God…
A hand clamps around my shoulder. “Calm down, little dude. It’s okay.”
“I… I’m—I’m sorry,” I choke out, feeling like I’m dying.
I was wrong. So wrong…
“What?” Collin asks, sounding incredulous. “For what? Don’t be, man. I’m stoked you’re gay. I just had no idea!”
I blink rapidly. “Wait… what?”
“Hell yeah! Kane’s the only one of us that swings that way—but he likes… how’d he put it… every and all? I don’t remember, but anyway, he’d love to know he’s not the only one in the house. You should tell him.” He rubs my shoulder affectionately, and my heart thuds heavily in my chest. “Maybe you won’t feel so alone.”
And I don’t know how he knows, but my chest fills with a warmth I’ve never felt in my life as tears burn my eyes.
“Th-thanks,” is all I’m able to choke out, but it seems to be good enough for him because he gives me a soft smile and another squeeze.
“He’s in his room if you wanna talk.”
“Y-yeah. I think… I think I’ll do that.” My heart is thudding wildly in my chest, and the sweat that was pouring from me has increased tenfold, but I want this.
I think I even need it.
To share this part of me with someone.
Without finishing my apple juice, I set the cup in the sink and make my way up the stairs to Kane’s room. His door is open, so I just knock on the frame a bit timidly. He glances up,and when he sees it’s me, he smiles, and my own nervous façade cracks a bit.
“Hey, Mads. What’s up?”
I take a deep, shuddering breath and let my eyes fall closed for a minute.You can do this. It’s just a few words. And he’ll relate.
“I was wondering if you had a minute to talk?”
Kane’s brows draw together with concern, but he nods and pushes back in his computer chair to open his arms up. “Of course. Come on in. What’s going on?” he asks when I take a seat on his bed. I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them to stare down at the floor as I try to think of a way to say this.
“I’ve never really said this out loud before,” I finally start.
It’s scary… but kind of exhilarating?
“Okay… Mads, are you okay?”
“I’m gay,” I blurt and promptly turn as red as a tomato.
“Oh.” Kane chuckles and runs his fingers through his hair. “Cool, man. Me, too.”
“Uh, y-yeah… Collin kinda already told me and suggested I… maybe tell you? I don’t know. I didn’t mean to come out to him. I’ve never really come out to anyone before. My parents were really religious, and that’s a whole thing in and of itself, and I have some trauma there, but I’m not like, in the closet or anything, it’s just not something I thought I would ever do, but now I’m here, and things are good?—”
“Madison,” Kane interrupts me, and I take a deep, panting breath.
“Y-yeah?”
“Did you forget I came with you on a date with a man?” he asks, eyebrow quirked and a small smile on his lips, and if my face wasn’t hot before, it sure as hell is now.
“Oh. Uh, y-yeah. I, um, I kinda did, actually…”
Kane chuckles and shakes his head. “It’s all right. I mean, I didn’t assume the way you identified, but when you made out with him, I kinda figured you liked men.”
Holy shit, I made out with Cedrick in front of him.
