“Check, please!” Kael chirped, puffing out his chest exactly the way he’d practiced.
None of us manage to keep the smiles off our faces.
The waiter nods, walks away, and a few minutes later returns with the small notebook holding the check. Kael looks at me again.
I open my purse and take out his little bag of coins.
My son climbs down from his chair when I hand it to him and walks to the restaurant’s register, holding the bill in one hand and the coins in the other, impossibly proud of himself.
“He’s been saving money for tonight for a year,” I explain to the adults at the table, who look amused and confused at the same time. “Kael is a very independent child—these things matter to him. Even though he’s found new sources of income in the last few months.” I shoot reproachful looks at my son’s uncles. “Of course his savings wouldn’t be enough to pay the whole bill, but the manager already knows. He’ll pay with what he has, and then I’ll come back and cover the rest.”
A collectiveohhhgoes around the table, and I laugh.
My mother and Nero are the only ones who react differently—the first because she already knew the plan, and the second because he’s far too busy looking at me in a way that makes my chest shake.
We stand to wait for Kael and leave the restaurant, and somehow I end up standing too close to Nero.
Somehow.
Maybe my body rebelled against my mind for a moment and decided it was a good idea to steal a little closeness.
My arm brushes against his as I slide my chair back under the table, and I have to fight the urge to close my eyes when Nero shifts and his fingers graze my waist.
Kael comes back, proud, holding the small receipt. His father lifts him, spinning him in the air and pulling the most delicious laughter from him.
Nero holds Kael as if he’s his entire world, and my mind instantly projects a thousand other moments I imagined so many times—but I shake my head, pushing those desires away.
I need to remember, I tell myself. I need to remember that Nero isn’t reliable. I’m not doing this for me—I’m doing this because there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for my son.
But the truth is, at any moment, Nero could leave again.
And the second that thought finishes forming, I feel ridiculous—because I can’t believe in it with the same conviction anymore.
I don’t know if it’s today, if it’s the full dinner table, if it’s the subtle touches, or if it’s the last few months—but the truth is that the certainties I once had about Nero are crumbling again, and I don’t know how to deal with that.
It was easier when my body and mind worked together against my son’s father, when they both agreed he was a risk. Now that he looks less and less like one each day, it’s becoming harder to ignore the thoughts and desires I believed I’d never have again about this man.
Still, I can’t ignore them. Because if I’m not the one protecting Kael and myself, who will be?
If Nero decides he’s tired of playing house and leaves, it will be up to me to stay strong for my son. And I know the pain that comes with losing him.
I endured it once. I don’t think I could do it again.
So no—I can’t ignore my fears. Because if they come true, the only barrier between my son and the abyss I once fell into will be me.
“Are you going to be a prince again, Daddy?” Kael asks as Nero sets him down, pulling my attention. “Are you going back to the castle you live in? In Greece?”
My son’s father frowns, just as confused as I am about where this sudden question came from.
“Why are you asking that?” he asks instead of answering—and my chest tightens. I realize that right now, I need anojust as much as Kael does.
“Because if you’re staying here, Daddy, then on your birthday you have to invite me to dinner too, and you have to pay the bill. I don’t have any coins left now,” he explains, his logic measured in cents.
We’re still laughing when Nero finally answers the first question.
“I’m not going anywhere you aren’t, my son,” he promises, kneeling to Kael’s height. The boy throws his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Never again.”
He says those last two words looking directly at me.
