The weight of every moment I missed settles into me, piece by piece, as I watch them work as a small team I’m not part of—just an observer.
An audience.
That’s what I am in the life of my son and my woman, and I have only myself to blame.
Nina fills the tub just a little. The water reaches Kael’s shins, but he bathes standing, under the shower.
My son shuts his eyes dramatically when shampoo goes into his hair, even as his mother reminds him it doesn’t sting. He complains as she washes each toe and whines about lifting the second foot. They whisper as if I’m not there, and I feel almost intrusive.
Once he’s dry, dressed, hair brushed, and nails trimmed, Kael closes the toilet lid and sits on it, finally looking at me.
“Now Mommy takes a shower too, then it’s your turn, Daddy.”
“Are you forgetting something, young man?”
“Teeth!” He remembers—and for this part, he seems excited. He runs to his room and comes back with his little step stool. He climbs up to reach the sink and brushes his teeth, a bit clumsy.
“Top teeth too, Kael,” Nina reminds him while putting dirty clothes in the hamper and folding the towel. He speeds up like it’s suddenly a race.
“Your turn now, Mom, or there won’t be time for two stories.”
“Today you can wait in your room with your dad, Kael. I’ll shower by myself.”
“No, Mom, we’ll wait. We won’t leave you alone. Right, Daddy? Showers are boring,” he confides, and I laugh.
“I think we can start getting your bed ready and choosing the story. Your mom’s usually quick.”
“How do you know, Daddy? You’ve never seen!”
“Adults shower fast,” I dodge, with some charm. Nina laughs at me, and for the first time in my existence I feel embarrassed about having seen someone naked.
Or maybe the embarrassment has more to do with my body’s reaction after spending more than two seconds frozen, imagining Nina showering while I waited in the hallway.
I must be losing my mind. Lewd thoughts in the presence of my child—surely a new record of desperation.
Dear God.
“Can I go?” Kael asks, already taking my hand.
“Yes.” Nina kisses his face and inhales his clean scent, pleased with her work. I leave with the boy as if there’s no breathable air left in that bathroom.
CHAPTER 63
NINA MARCHESI
Kael seems just as far from sleep as he was half an hour ago, when I slipped out of the bathroom and hurried to the bedroom, hiding after the longest shower in history.
Nero’s incendiary gaze clung to my skin and left me unsettled. Cold water alone hadn’t been enough to calm it.
Now changed and with my hair brushed, I step back into the hallway. My son’s laughter is so loud that even my mother laughs too, without knowing why, listening from our bedroom.
I can’t bring myself to interrupt when I see Nero with a sheet wrapped around his neck, acting like a—
Is that a flying penguin? Where did he even get this story?
“And then the super penguin found his friends and they flew all the way to the polar ice caps.”
It’s priceless to watch Nero holding two bedside lamps to represent the super penguin’s friends.
