‘Jessy is … Jessy is someone that I am enjoying spending a lot of time with,’ Patrick said softly, looking at me all the while. ‘And I’m enjoying that time. That’s all I’ll say.’
Is that it?I was aware of a haze of movement around me as Gina finished her recording and said something about sending for approval in a week. But I didn’t hear any of it.
‘I’m enjoying that time. That’s all I’ll say.’
I wanted him to say more. Mean more, feel more – but I couldn’t ask that of him.
I was just someone who was convenient. Someone he had to spend time with, contractually. So why not indulge and blur the lines?
The snap of a door. I blinked.
Gina had gone.
Patrick exhaled slowly as he leaned back on the sofa. ‘Well, that’s done. The whole world will be reading it soon enough.’
It was a weird thought. ‘Seriously, the whole world?’
‘Yeah, that stuff gets everywhere. Cassie once said –’ Patrick bit himself off before he could finish.
Curiosity welled within me, and though I knew full well he wouldn’t want to talk about it, I found myself asking, ‘You don’t miss her at all?’
‘Miss her?’ Patrick shrugged, and I could see the painin the supposed nonchalance. ‘I miss what she should have been. The mother she couldn’t bring herself to be.’
For a moment, Patrick somehow became younger, more open.
He cleared his throat. ‘That was then. This is now. And right now, I am just relieved that the interview is over.’
‘You were amazing,’ I found myself saying with far more warmth than he was clearly expecting.
The disbelief was written large across his face as he laughed. ‘Yeah, sure.’
‘No, really. That whole “adventure is the journey you go on with yourself” bit?’ I placed my hand on his. ‘It was amazing. How could I not be impressed?’
He was flushing, those gorgeous cheekbones brushed with soft pink. ‘It’s just music. Not rocket science.’
I laughed for real at that. ‘Erm, yeah, sure. You’re just creating the soundtrack to the lives of millions. No big deal.’
His eyes widened at my words. What, he seriously didn’t know?
‘Patrick, you …’ I swallowed, conscious of the way his fingers curled around my waist as I said his name. ‘Patrick,’ I repeated, and almost moaned as he did it again. ‘You’re creating a … a legacy, I guess. Something left on this planet long after you’re gone.’
‘We’re hardly the Beatles,’ he protested, but this time with a light smile on his face.
‘You don’t know that! You don’t know what you’ll create, you – we’re both so young,’ I said enthusiastically. ‘There’s so much of your life ahead of you, so much you’ll come up with. What better way to spend a life?’
Silence fell between us for a moment. A warm, cosy silence I’d only ever known with Patrick.
‘It’s a pretty cool thing to spend a lifetime doing,’ I said softly.
Patrick shrugged. ‘What else is there?’
Well, that was the question, wasn’t it? If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be stuck colour-coding Karun’s spreadsheets and listening to Cathy gossip about her neighbours.
‘I … I thought working in finance was the thing I’d spend my life doing. I know it sounds boring,’ I added, giggling at the expression on Patrick’s face. ‘But numbers … they’re all organized and sorted and balanced, and it gives me such a kick to see them like that. But working at GSR – I don’t know. It’s not what I thought.’
And it scared me. Thinking about feeling that unfulfilled for the rest of my life.
‘Honestly, though, I don’t think I’m good at much else,’ I said with a shrug of my own. ‘I don’t think I’ve found my place in the world. Not yet.’
