That was all this was.
I swallowed hard. ‘About guys. We argued about guys,’ I gave, prickles of discomfort warring with the warmth in my hand, which was still encased in his. ‘She didn’t like my ex.’
‘Huh.’
I sighed heavily. ‘I dated a guy – he seemed great – I thought he might be … I mean, notthe one. Something like it, though.’
‘You don’t believe in the one?’ Curiosity rather than judgement coloured his voice.
‘Just one person for you in the whole world? A world populated by over seven billion people?’ I shook my head. ‘Nah, the odds are ridiculous. Say you have a statistical chance of meeting ten thousand people in your life, plus orminus fifteen per cent dependent on lifestyle, travel options, etc. – you’d have to live more than six hundred thousand lifetimes to meet even half the –’
‘Shit, Jessy.’ Patrick interrupted me with a laugh ‘How the hell did you –’
‘Maths degree. I told you, I work in finance,’ I reminded him, startled at how delighted I was to have impressed him.
‘So this guy wasn’t the one,’ he concluded.
Correct.‘I really thought it might go the distance, you know? And it’s such a cliché, meeting someone when you’re eighteen and thinking you’ll be with them your whole life –’
‘I have definitely contributed to that cliché,’ Patrick broke in with a grin. ‘Song lyrics are the worst for that.’
I tapped him on the arm, revelling in the chance to touch him again, even just casually. ‘You’re right, I blame you! Anyway. I got back to our flat seven or eight months ago and found … a note.’
Patrick winced. ‘Oh shit.’
‘Yeah. Trouble was, he was still writing it,’ I said, breathing out slowly and trying to smile. It really was quite funny, now I thought about it. ‘Suitcase packed, right by the door like a cheesy movie … but he was still writing the note.’
‘Dick.’
‘You and my mother had the same opinion.’ I remembered my mum’s choice of words for Ross when I’d told her about one of our earlier break-ups. ‘Dick’ didn’t quite cover it. ‘Oh, he had this whole explanation, but the gist was he’d met someone else. Had met several someone elses, actually,’ I said, managing not to wince for the first time in … was this the first time that I’d talked about Ross without wanting to cry? Or hit something?
‘Fucker.’
‘I mean … yeah.’ Patrick’s obvious dislike for Ross, a guy he’d never met, warmed me. ‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing, though. I mean, I look back at the way he had a problem with me always hanging out with Laura and Anna, the way he always wanted to know where I was going … He was toxic.’ It seemed so obvious now, but Past Jessy, Young Jessy, hadn’t seen the waving red flags for what they were.
‘Anyway. I moved in with Laura just for a bit,’ I continued, ‘and then got myself a houseshare nearer work. Now I’m weirdly … fine.’
Super weirdly fine. When the hell had I got over Ross?
‘I know the feeling.’
I glanced up. ‘You do?’ It was the first real glimpse into his past relationships I’d had.
Patrick shrugged. ‘Yeah. Celine – Celine Dellacorte –’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Of course I knew. Everyone in the world knew.
‘She cheated on me and, for a while after, I thought – I thought that trust was something idiotic. For the weak.’ Patrick’s smile was light, almost self-deprecating. ‘And then there was you.’
Something fluttered deep in my chest, and I tried not to smile like an idiot. ‘I know what you mean.’
We walked on in peaceful quiet. Walking in silence had never felt so right.
‘You know, I’d completely forgotten about her,’ Patrick said after a moment. ‘Weird, isn’t it? I mean, you fall in love with someone, she breaks your heart and you think it’ll never be whole again … and then you haven’t thought about her in weeks.’
In weeks.Was that because of me?
‘So,’ Patrick said, moving on. ‘I’m guessing you’re not dating anyone else right now. I mean, if you had been dating someone, I’d kind of assume they wouldn’t be a huge fan of –’
