Absolutely not.
It was never that simple.
‘Look, I spoke with Derek –’
‘Why?’ I groaned. ‘Come on, Laura, like I need –’
‘And he says that Patrick is moping.’
Anna was grinning, lounging elegantly, as she always managed to do, on the sofa.
I blinked. ‘Moping?’
Laura didn’t need to say any more. I could see it in the twinkle in her eyes through her glasses, the brightness of her smile, the way she wouldn’t lean back in the armchair. ‘Moping.’
I groaned.
It shouldn’t mean anything. I had sworn I was going to move on from it – that I wouldn’t look back. But that was easier said than done. Everywhere I went, every time I closed my eyes, I was reminded of Patrick. Of us.
I missed him. I could admit it, at least in the privacy of my own mind.
And the longer I went without seeing him, the more my anger faded. Sure, I had been less than impressed with the way he had handled things. But deep down, I understood why he’d reacted like that. His words had hurt, but I could only imagine the hurt he had felt, seeing those articles for the first time. I had finally taken a look at them myself and could admit they painted a damning picture.
I looked back at the pleading faces of my best friend and my twin.
‘Jessy, it’s just one night –’ Laura started.
I knew exactly what she was talking about: the Songwriter Awards.
‘He probably doesn’t even want me there!’ I tried to argue. Surely he’d moved on by now. An actress, a singer, someone who knew how his world worked.
‘It’s just one night.’ Anna picked up the refrain. ‘And I don’t want to get serious about it, but you kind of have to go. Like, contractually.’
They were up to something. I could tell by the guilty glances Laura kept sneaking Anna. ‘But you said –’
‘I said I’d look at the contract, and I said I’d speak to Derek,’ Anna said firmly. ‘And I did. And he pointed out that the break clause holds a significant financial penalty –’
I groaned and dropped on to the sofa. ‘So, I don’t have a choice. I have to go to this damned awards show?’
Anna’s smile had been a little too sly. ‘Yep.’
And that was how I’d ended up here, wearing another one of Anna’s dresses – which was again way, way too short – sitting in the front row of an awards show where I absolutely did not belong, looking up at the guy I was still pretty sure I was in love with.
Perhaps he won’t see me.
There were loads of people in the crowd. Surely, he couldn’t see all our faces.
A stupid thought. The instant it flashed across my mind, Patrick’s gaze dropped and met mine.
‘And as you let me into your world, I realized it was you …’
I had hoped I’d feel … nothing, when I saw him again. Relief, maybe, that I was free of him. Delight, perhaps, that there was a new These Exiles song. Maybe a little bittersweetness about what could have been … But not this.
Not this overwhelming urge to be close to him.
Not this painful, searing hope that he was happy to see me.
Not this aching affection that didn’t have anywhere to go.
