Without Jessy in my life, everything felt … empty.
I’d never been like this before. It was horrendous, discovering my happiness could be so dependent on another person.
But it had been my own actions that had pushed her away.
I had no one to blame but myself.
‘What’s up, gang!’
I turned and forced a smile as Ben walked in, all smile and sunglasses.
Wes and Matt grinned and welcomed him in, while I sat back in the chair I’d somehow found myself on.
‘– great to see you –’
‘– how was that charity event, huh? I didn’t spot –’
‘Yeah, it was OK,’ Ben said brightly, pulling away from the two of them to approach me, his smile slightly fading.
I stiffened. A serious Ben was never normally a good thing –
‘Thanks,’ said Ben, dropping on to the chair beside me.
My suspicion must have been written all over my face, because he laughed.
‘No, I mean it. Thanks, dude.’ He clapped me on my shoulder.
‘What for?’ I asked, genuinely confused.
Ben gave a nonchalant shrug, but I could see the tension in his eyes. ‘For covering for me. Taking the blame. Dealing with all this shit because of it and never giving me up.’
I couldn’t remember seeing Ben this … this serious. Not ever.
He continued, his tone sombre. ‘You know that charity stuff Derek made me do?’
I shrugged. ‘Yeah, how did you find it?’
‘It was pretty transformative, I can’t lie. I went into schools with a group that educates kids on the dangers of drink-driving.’ A shiver rustled through him. ‘Fuck me. They wanted me to talk about watching a friend make bad choices, and the whole time it was my bad choices that could have really hurt … just … thanks, man.’
He didn’t need to thank me, but I was glad he’d learnt something from the work he’d been doing. ‘No worries. Just try not to dick about any more, yeah?’
‘Well, no promises.’ The twinkle in Ben’s eye was back, but there was a seriousness in his expression that reassured me he wouldn’t be making that mistake again.
‘Hey, Patrick!’
We looked up. Wes had finished his coffee, had apparently wrestled his second coffee back off Matt and was looking over at us curiously. ‘I thought you said Derek wanted us here at eleven?’
Ah. Yeah. Right.
‘He didn’t,’ I said quietly. ‘But I did.’
The confusion on my bandmates’ faces was expected – but I hadn’t been able to think of a way to convince them to come in this early without the spectre of Derek looming above the request.
‘You?’ Matt frowned. ‘Why, what’s up, man?’
Taking a deep breath, I said softly, ‘I have a new song.’
Matt’s frown disappeared. ‘Your writer’s block, it’s gone?’
