Weird. I’d sat there, preparing myself to fight it off as soon as it arrived, and it justhadn’t. Even the dread from first receiving the call was disappearing.
Weird as fuck.
Laura looked over at me with a spoon in her mouth. She was still eating what was left of my ice cream.
‘Please tell me you didn’t go in and sign a bunch of stuff?’ Anna said, like she hadn’t taught me better.
‘Nah, I knew not to go in without my legal representative.’ I grinned, nudging her and enjoying the warmth of having my sister and bestie around me. God, I loved them. ‘I told you, I’m fine.’
‘Says the girl who just downed the equivalent of a large glass of wine in one pull,’ Laura said pointedly. ‘Shouldn’tyou be panicking? Freaking out or something? How much have you got saved?’
‘A bit. But they’re giving me six months’ pay.’
It was bizarre. Everyone our age I knew lived in fear of exactly this: losing their job and finding themselves back on the market.
Hell, it’s not like I loved my work at GSR Financials. But it paid me a wage. Enough to live. To support myself.
And now …
‘You know, I think … I think,’ I said slowly, lifting my gaze to my clearly concerned sister, ‘I’m going to use this as a reset.’
Anna blinked. ‘A reset.’
My shrug was perhaps a little too nonchalant. ‘Yeah. I mean, I was chasing after finance because I thought that was what you were supposed to want. If you’re even halfway decent at maths, work in finance, right?’
‘That is what everyone does,’ Anna agreed.
Half my uni group were working at banks or investment firms or stuff like that, and it was just … what we did. What I’d always assumed I would do.
‘Perhaps it’s time to think about what I actually want out of my career,’ I said slowly. ‘Out of my life.’
When had I stopped dreaming and started settling?
‘You’ve got that faraway look in your eyes you used to get as a kid,’ Laura pointed out, sticking her spoon back into the ice-cream tub and scraping out the last bits. Her dedication to leaving nothing behind was impressive. ‘What are you thinking?’
‘I just … my whole life has been about the next thing,’I said. ‘Got to pass my exams at school to get to uni, got to get into the best uni, got to get the best marks to get the best grad job … it’s like I’ve been running a marathon with no finishing line.’
Anna picked up the wine bottle and took a swig herself. ‘Fuck me, do you want to be more cheerful?’
‘No, I mean – well. I can stop the marathon now, can’t I?’ I glanced about myself and tried to take a deep breath. ‘I’ve barely spent any money but rent these last few weeks, Derek’s been covering pretty much all my expenses. And Karun will get me six months’ pay. I can just … stop. Work out what I actually want. At least for a little bit.’
I wasn’t so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice Anna and Laura exchange a look.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to join a commune or backpack around the world with a guy called Gerald I barely know.’ I grinned, grabbing the wine from Anna. ‘I just … yeah. Freedom from real life for a bit would be rather nice.’
Although, of course, the last few weeks with Patrick had been the best escape from real life I’d ever find. A different world. A world of glitz and glamour … and late-night talks in chicken shops, and throwing myself off buildings.
But that was all over now. And I needed to move on.
‘The first thing we need is a better bottle of wine,’ Anna said briskly.
‘No, the first thing we need,’ Laura countered, ‘is more ice cream.’ She looked at the empty tub forlornly.
I grinned. They were both wrong. I knew exactly what I was going to do. ‘The first thing we need … is coffee.’
TWENTY-THREE
Can you hear me? If I shout a little louder, grovel a little deeper, will you hear me?
